Page 87 of You're All I Need

“No!” I holler, that one word slowly seeping into my stupid brain. “I mean, I wasn’t. I don’t think she was. She said she wasn’t, but…” I drop back down onto the chair and run my hands through my hair. “What if she’s lying? What if it’s not my baby?” My words are barely audible.

“She’s not Dawn, man.”

I close my eyes, her tear-soaked face filling my mind. “I know that, really, but I can’t help it. I’ve heard this before.”

“You heard this before from a liar who lied to your face for how many months? Six? I’ve known Adrienne for about the same amount of time, and I have to tell you, man, she’s nothing like your ex.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?” he asks. “Look, Caden, I don’t have all the answers. All I can do is give you my perspective from the outside looking in.”

I nod, waiting, desperately wanting to hear what he has to say, because good or bad, I need to hear it.

“You love her and it’s freaking you out. You told yourself you’d never love again and have done everything in your power to keep everyone at arm’s length. Somehow, Adrienne got past your defenses and now you’re scared.”

“I’m terrified.” The confession drips from my lips bitterly.

“Of what?” he asks.

“Of losing someone else I love.”

He nods. “I get that, really. I wasn’t sure I’d ever give marriage another try, but here I am, ready to ask Stevie to spend the rest of her life with me. And you know what? I’m still scared. I’m afraid I’ll mess it up and lose her, but I just can’t picture my life without her. And I don’t want to. Ever. But even though I might lose her at any point, I’d rather spend as much time as I can with her, loving her.That’sgreater than my fear.”

I hear his words, letting them permeate my thick skull. It’s not easy, because it’s so convenient to push her away, to ignore my feelings, to hide. But that’s not what either of us deserves.

She deserves love.

She deserves everything.

And as much as I hate to admit it, Jack is right. My greatest fear isn’t loving and losing. It’s losing her, because asmuch as I tried to fight it, she got in. She showed me friendship, happiness, and love. She showed me more in the last month of being together than I was given in all the time I was with Dawn. I just didn’t see it.

And I’m done fighting it now.

“I fucked up,” I whisper, my throat thick.

“Everything is fixable.”

I sigh and shake my head. “I’m not sure this is.”

He reaches over and places his hand on my own. “Have faith, Caden. She needs the wordsandthe actions.”

I nod, understanding what he’s telling me. I can’t just tell her how I feel and expect everything to be okay. I need to show her what she means to me.

What the baby means to me.

“I’m gonna be a dad.”

He smiles widely. “You’re gonna be a great one. You’ve been the best pseudo-uncle to both Gianna and Christian. Not to mention Joshua.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” I say, leaning back and relaxing in the chair.

“And you think I did? I was twenty-one when Gi was born and scared to death. Even now, at thirty-one, I still don’t have it all together. Parents make mistakes and it’s the hardest job in the world, but you know what? It’s the most rewarding too. Wait until the first time your little boy or girl curls up on your chest and falls asleep. Or the first time you hear them say Dada.” He shakes his head, a small grin on his lips. “Best feeling ever.”

“I hope you and Stevie consider having a kid or two.”

He shrugs. “We’ve talked about it, but we’re in no rush.”

“Don’t wait too long. Your swimmers aren’t what they used to be,” I tease.

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