Page 93 of Pretty Wild

Oh. That.

Yeah, I remember when he and Blair hooked up while she was in town, helping at her father’s medical practice here. She and Gabe started this thing, and when her time was up, she wentback home to Chicago, or wherever it was she was living. He was gutted.

“I let her go because I felt I couldn’t ask her to stay. It needed to be her decision. But I also didn’t give her all the information to make her choice. I’m guessing same for you. You haven’t told her how you really feel, have you?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because she left me a fucking note, Gabe. She said goodbye in a letter and snuck off while I was sleeping.”

“Do you think it’s possible she did that to protect herself? And maybe you?”

I groan, recalling the words she left me.

This isn’t the life you signed up for, so if I go, everything will return to normal for you.

I shrug, not wanting to get into this with him.

“Listen, man, I’m not here to kick you while you’re down, but I will say this. I didn’t go after Blair when she left and will always regret it. Yeah, it turned out fine because she came back to me, but what if she hadn’t? I’d like to think I’d have pulled my head out of my ass before too long and gone after her, but there’s always a what-if in the back of my mind. Don’t let the what-ifs keep you from living the life you want, Marcus. Go after her. Give her all the pieces to the puzzle, and if she wants to put it together, then that’s her decision. If not, at least you’ll know.”

I swallow over the lump in my throat and keep my focus on the engine bay. His words have the impact I’m sure he was going for. They strike my heart and give voice to the questions I’ve had swirling in my brain and my heart. Was it a mistake to let her go without at least telling her how I feel? Probably. But I did it for two reasons.

One, the rules we established that first night we were together—a summer fling and nothing more—were fulfilled. Ibroke the rules. I fell for her hard and fast and was left to pick up the pieces when she returned home.

And two, I never gave her all the info. That’s me protecting myself, if I’m being honest. Rejection fucking sucks. I experienced it as a baby, when my mom dropped me off at my grandparents’ house and never looked back. Now I’ve handed over that same control to Ryan without realizing it, and in one moment, she could wield that exact kind of hurt. She could tell me to get lost, confirm the fear I’ve held on to like a shield around my heart.

But, like Gabe said, what if she doesn’t…

He walks over and slaps me on the back, giving my shoulder a tight squeeze. It’s the first time I noticed he’s wearing scrubs, probably having just returned from a hospital visit in Hudson. “Think about it, but don’t think too long, man. I’d hate to see you hold on to the regret for the rest of your life.”

I nod, unable to speak words. My heart and my head are at war, as they’ve been for the last week, but there’s one thing they can agree on. I miss the fuck out of her.

Gabe gives Buddy a little attention before walking out of the garage and heading back to his own truck. I hear it start and pull out of my driveway, but it’s his words that really have my attention.

Don’t let the what-ifs keep you from living the life you want, Marcus.

And dammit, I want Ryan.

In my bed, in my heart, and in my home.

Yeah, there’s some serious logistics to take into consideration, but for the first time, I’m willing to consider them. All of them. Because like Ryan, I need all the pieces to the puzzle too, or it’ll impact the picture. And the picture I see includes the woman I’ve fallen in love with.

Now it’s time to do something about it.

The elevator dings, announcing my arrival. I adjust the tie around my neck for the hundredth time, wishing I could rip it off and throw it in the trash, but knowing it’s part of the required attire for tonight’s celebration event.

I step through the open elevator doors and am surrounded by wealth. It oozes from the attendees like sap from a tree. Their jewelry sparkles, their designer threads scream to be noticed. But my eyes are drawn instantly to the woman on stage. There stands Ryan, wearing a stunning red dress that hugs her curves in ways I dream about.

“Please help me welcome the new product ambassador of Ryan Holmes Cosmetics, Miss Desi Amora,” Ryan says proudly, as the room erupts into applause.

I recognize the woman walking across the stage, moving to stand beside the woman I love. She waves to the crowd before giving Ryan air kisses and taking her position at the microphone.

“I couldn’t be prouder to partner with Ryan and Ryan Holmes Cosmetics,” Desi starts.

“Champagne, sir?” a man holding a tray of flutes ask.

“No, thank you,” I reply, starting to make my way to the front of the room. I stick to the side, not wanting to be the guy who walks right up the middle of the room.

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