Page 13 of Heal Me

With a knee on my back, he easily closes the buckles. I try to claw and grab at him, but the closed sleeves and my trapped position render my fight utterly pathetic, and I feel like I’m actually going crazy as I start to scream.

“Stop! You can’t do this! I have rights!”

He hoists me up on my knees, and I writhe and jerk as he pulls my arms through the vertical strap at the front, then shoves me back onto my stomach and buckles the sleeves on the back.

Tears pool in my eyes as I tug at my arms, only to meet the tight resistance of the trapped sleeves. With each pull, I sink deeper into the humiliation until I barely feel like a person. Yet Ican’t stop fighting. Because it’s the only thing that keeps my last sliver of dignity intact.

“Open your mouth,” Dorin says, pressing a hand to my back to keep me still as he holds something in front of my face.

As I see a black rubber ball on a leather strap, everything inside me freezes. I go still, barely breathing, as I watch the thing. “No, please,” I finally manage. “I’ll be quiet. I’ll be still.”

“Open. Your. Mouth.” His voice lowers to a raspy growl, more beast than human, and terror is an icy bucket of water that freezes my resistance.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I part my lips.

Shoving his fingers into my mouth, he pries it farther open and pushes the ball inside. Tears leak from my eyes as he pulls the straps around my head and buckles them together, locking the ball in place between my teeth.

I’m not the type of person who cries a lot. I learned to stay strong for my baby sister when our mother got sick and I had to earn enough money to keep us in our house and keep us fed, and I’ve learned to do things that tore my pride to shreds when I lost both my mother, sister, and our home in one cruel twist of fate. I’ve begged in the streets and I’ve sold my body without shedding a single tear. Not even Zoltan, with his cutting knife and burning cigarettes, could draw more than a few drops from my eyes. I wouldn’t allow it. But somehow, the things this man does to me are worse than any other. His humiliations cut deeper than a knife on my skin. It sears into the very core of my being, tears me open, and breaks me apart. Zoltan violated my body, but this man violates my soul.

And he’s not even done yet; he picks up another item and pushes my legs apart. I want to fight—close my legs and kick at him. But I can’t. My limbs are paralyzed as I lie there, reduced to an animal with no rights.

The tears come faster as he prods something smooth at my pussy. Finding my opening dry, he moves the thing back, and thepfftsound as he spits only drives the humiliation deeper. I weep as he prods the now wet item at my opening, jerking as he shoves it—the head of a dildo—inside. Clenching my inner muscles, I try to block further advance, but as he moves it back and forth a few times, my muscles loosen, and he slides it in. Slowly, the wide thing drags along my inner walls, awakening unwanted sensations in my sensitive folds even as the dildo scratches at my dry walls.

Dorin hums as he pushes the thing in place. “This will make you feel better.” He grabs the bottom strap on the front of the jacket, pulls it between my legs, and straps it on the back, effectively keeping the dildo in place.

The remaining crumbs of my resistance disintegrate in a flood of defeat. My tears soak the mattress, and spit drips from my mouth around the gag as I lose myself to utter grief.

Dorin carefully moves me onto my back and positions me as comfortably as possible. I close my eyes tight as he strokes the hair from my face and wipes at the tears and drool on my cheeks.

“This will help,” he says in a gentle tone as if he truly believes it.

I shake my head, but the movement is feeble.

“Look at me,” he urges softly, stroking my cheek with the back of his wide hand. When I don’t respond, he repeats, “Look at me, little songbird.”

I let my eyes fall open, and meeting the brown depths of Dorin’s gaze is startling. They hold an almost compassionate expression that slips straight past my tattered defenses to nestle at the very root of my starved being.

“Such a pretty songbird,” he says. No further degradation or smearing my helplessness in my face. His words are gentle and honest. It’s more than I can take. More than I can resist. Givingin to a bone-deep grief, I lean into his hand and weep, seeking comfort from the same man who broke me.

“This will help,” he repeats, pressing a button on a small remote in his other hand.

My eyes widen as the dildo comes alive with soft vibrations. Vibrations that are like sweet caresses on my insides.

“Just give in to it,” he coaxes as he keeps caressing my skin. “It will all feel better if you do. I promise.”

With all logic and reason crushed under a heavy load of defeat, there’s nothing left for me to fight off his words with. Not even the will to resist. Because I badly need something—anything—to mend this broken feeling inside. So I give in to the humming vibrations and nod as I fall captive to the soft promise in his eyes.

I sniffle and swallow repeatedly to try and control myself, but there’s nothing I can do. Spit keeps dripping from my mouth, and soon, snot slips from my nose too.

“It’s okay,” he says, turning his hand to curve his warm palm around the side of my face. “Just give in. I’ve got you.” He presses the button again, turning the vibrations up higher.

I press my head into his hand and close my eyes as tingling sensations erupt at my core, awakening my tired body and humming in my nerves.

Turning the vibrations up another notch, he puts the remote away to curve his other hand around my face too. Warmth engulfs me as his enormous hands cover both sides of my face. It’s comfort and protection. Affection and care. I soak it up like a starved cat as I sink into the sensations. The heat, the humming, and the heaviness in my body. I let it sweep me away to another world. A place where dignity, hopes, and dreams don’t matter. It’s light and freeing—to let go of everything that has always burdened and disappointed me. To open up and let this man take it all away—take everything away to give me this. I’m noteven sure what it is, and it doesn’t matter as tingling sensations pulse at my core and sweep through my body while his steady presence engulfs me and takes away the pain.

The sensations swirl and expand as the dildo keeps vibrating against my sensitive core. Liquid heat gathers around it, and my muscles soften and contract as my whole body seems to pulse along with it. Moans form behind the gag, mixing with my whimpers as I cry. The crying doesn’t feel as strained anymore. It’s no longer a burden.

It’s freeing.

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