Page 34 of Heal Me

As I lie in my cell, slowly coming out of a haze, waiting for him to come and bring me into a new one, I remember that I haven’t even sung for a long while. I’m not even sure I can muster the muscular strength to do so. Parting my lips, I want to try. But then again, what’s the point? It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing does.

A sliding sound at the door breaks into my consciousness.Finally, he’s here to numb my brain and make me forget.

But the door doesn’t open. Instead, there’s a tap. Then another one, a bit louder.

I lift my head to look, blinking to focus my blurry gaze.

The hatch is open, and there’s someone on the other side, looking in. At first, I don’t understand. But then recognition strikes as the head moves back a bit and I see the muzzle.It’s the girl with the tattoo.The one who used to come here often, but hasn’t been here for a while.

She lifts her hand and waves.

Slowly, I push up to sit, then put in all my strength to get to my feet and stagger to the door, all but collapsing against it.

“Did you know?” I ask, leaning my head into her hand as she reaches in to stroke my cheek. “That we’re all just sex slaves? That they’ll sell us?”

She nods, and her answer is like a stab in the back. But then I remember that she can’t speak. She never could tell me the truth. So I shove the thought away and stare off into the distance as I soak up her comfort—the only friend I have.

“I thought he saved me.” My heart breaks all over again as I remember how Dorin took me from the bloody tub, brought me here, and “cared” for me, only to have my world crash in the cruelest way possible. “I actually thought I had found someone who wanted to help me. Genuinely.” A tiny laugh erupts from my mouth.The irony of it all.“How stupid was I? Now he keeps me drugged up and locked in this jacket, afraid I’ll hurt myself.” I glance into the cell—the padded walls and the lonely mattress. “How am I supposed to do that in here?”

I remember that I actually managed to do some damage, and a small sense of pride rolls through me. But it quickly drowns in the defeat of it all. There’s no way to win here. It’s all one slow,agonizing descent into a hell that will surely be worse than any of the previous I’ve known.

The quiet girl reaches her hand farther in to get better access to my face, stroking my cheeks and temples and down the sides of my neck. It’s the best thing I’ve felt for a long time—or maybe not quite, but all the other comfort I’ve had has come with a severe dish of hatred and deceit so stark I could barely breathe.

Tears form in my eyes and drip down my cheeks. For once, I don’t try to stop them. But they don’t escalate either. I guess I’m still too drugged up.

We stand there for a long time, wrapped in the silence, connected by the bleak despair. The world seems to stop, and I find the closest thing to peace I’ve felt in a while.

But then, in an instant, everything changes. She draws back with a jerk, leaving me alone and forlorn. The hatch slams shut, and the quietness becomes stifling.

Leaning my forehead against the door, I heave a shuddery breath as loneliness wraps around my lungs.

The silence only lasts a minute, and the loneliness drowns in dread as I hear heavy steps approach.

Please don’t let it be Dorin, please don’t let it be Dorin,is all I can think. Somehow, I just know he’ll react worse than anyone else to find out she has been sneaking through the halls to see me.

Pressing a hand to my mouth, I block a gasp at the sound of Dorin’s angry voice. “What the hell are you doing here?” There’s a moment of silence before he adds, “You’re Dax’s girl.” The realization only angers him more, his voice becoming furious as he says, “Is he in there?”

My heart is like a jackhammer beating through the quiet space as I wait for him to continue.

“Then why the hell are you here? Have you bothered her? Have you opened the hatch?”

The beep of the lock mechanism startles me. Before I can react, the door flies open, and I stagger as I lose the support of the padded surface. My arms strain against the straitjacket as I prepare for the fall, but Dorin catches me just before my legs give in.

A wave of dizziness clouds my vision, and I blink up at him as he holds me to him, grabbing my jaw to study my face. His expression darkens with a fury that has me shrinking. With a feral growl, he steadies me on my own two legs and turns to the girl in the muzzle. “You made her cry.”

A pounding urgency thrums inside my head as I watch him approach her, unclipping a thick baton, which looks like the ones the police carry, from his belt.

“You’ll pay for that,” he snarls, towering over her as she retreats and crumbles to the floor as she hits the wall.

“No, Dorin, stop.”Somehow, I make my legs work enough to rush forward and intercept—stepping right in front of the beast. “She comforted me,” I say, staring up at him. It’s only then, seeing the murderous fury in his eyes, that I realize just how reckless a move this is. Even so, I don’t regret it. I couldn’t live with myself, knowing I’d hurt her—the only person left that I care about.

“Get back to your cell.” Dorin pushes me aside, aiming his furious gaze at the poor girl who’s huddled up on the ground against the wall, shaking worse than my unsteady legs.

“She helped me,” I implore. “Please, just leave her be.”

Relief is a brief gust of wind as Dorin turns to me. Grabbing my arm, he steers me back toward my cell, but only to snap a hook to the back of the straitjacket and connect it to an eye in the wall, rendering me useless and helpless.

“Don’tfucking bang your head against the wall, or I’ll shoot you up with so many drugs that all you can do is drool out your fucking mouth.”

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