Page 37 of Heal Me

“That’s it,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I’ve got you.”

Suddenly, she starts shaking, all over. It’s like a small but violent storm that rips through her and threatens to tear her apart. But I won’t allow that. I hold her together as I deliver two more blows.

“Ah,” she cries this time, collapsing into me.

“I’ve got you,” I repeat with a sincerity that takes me aback. I want to hurt her—I crave her screams and her trembling desperation—but I want to comfort her just as much. It doesn’t make sense, but it doesn’t have to. I let myself drift away with the current, offering her more words of comfort even as I rip her world to shreds. “I’ll protect you.”Smack! Smack!

Finally, she screams.

I hold her closer. “You’re mine. I’ll kill every man who even tries to put his hands on you.”Smack! Smack!

Her scream is full of an agony so deep it digs into my bones and makes me shudder. “I’m the only one who gets to have your pain.”Smack! Smack!“Your screams.”Smack! Smack!

Her chest shakes as she’s on the verge of breaking down, but she’s still holding back.

Grabbing her face, I demand her attention on me. Squeezing her eyes shut, she denies me what’s mine to take, but I know it will come. I feel it in the air. She’s about to give in; she just needs a tiny push.

“Look at me, my little songbird,” I say, the softness of my voice feeling very strange but so right amidst the storm of violence I’m unleashing.

Her brows twitch a couple of times, her parted lips trembling as she struggles with herself. “I-I—”

Pressing a finger to her lips, I say, “No need to speak, just open your eyes.”

Finally, she does. Her wide blue orbs are the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen as her eyelids lift and she stares up at me with pain and vulnerability written deep inside them. The moment shesees me, her voice breaks. A sob escapes her, and she collapses, pressing herself into me with a fierceness I haven’t experienced in her before.

Cupping the back of her head, I lean in to whisper against her ear. “Do you want me to stop?” I have no idea why I’m asking, but I know I’d stop if she asked me to. I’d take her down and carry her back to her cell right this moment if she said yes.But what she says instead bores straight into my heart and rearranges the whole damn organ.

“Just hold me,” she begs, weeping into my chest. “Please just hold me.”

“I’ll hold you.” Wrapping my arm around her waist, I hold her close as I place my hand on her ass again. “I’ll hold you,” I promise, placing a kiss on top of her head just before I lift my hand and slam it onto her delicate flesh two times in rapid succession. “I’ll take care of you.” I deliver two more smacks that have her knees buckling. For a moment, she just hangs there, her legs limp as she lets me be the only thing holding her up. Wrapping both arms around her, I relish every moment of it—her despair, her tears, her trust, and her sweet, sweet surrender.

When she finds her strength and her footing again, I move my hand back to her ass. Just as I’m about to strike, the strangest words I’ve ever heard leave her lips. “Thank you,” she whispers.

Her voice breaks into a deep, grief-ridden sob as I deliver two more blows.

I want to pause and ask why, but I don’t want to break the trance. I give her a moment to recover before delivering two more blows. Two more. And two more. When she collapses again and can barely seem to support herself once she tries, I decide she’s had enough.I’vehad enough. Every sob and shake racking through her body radiates straight into me, becoming my own.Suddenly, I feel exhausted. Overcome by a flood of emotions I can’t grasp. I just want to hold her.

With one arm tight around her, I reach up to loosen the ropes with the other. Then I hoist her into my arms and carry her out of the room.

“Thank you,” she says again as she burrows her head into my shoulder.

24

LAVINIA

The exhaustion and grief must have knocked me out when Dorin took me down and carried me through the halls, because I don’t remember getting back to my cell. I also don’t remember Dorin lying down behind me, hugging me close, and draping the blanket over us.

I lie completely still as I feel the wide expanse of his chest rising and falling in calm motions against my back. I’m not sure if he’s sleeping or just resting, but feeling him this calm and relaxed against me is almost shocking. I can’t figure out whether I like it—if I should melt into him or push out of his hold.

Ishouldbreak away from this beast of a man, but the thought of losing his safe embrace tightens my chest, drawing the grief straight back toward the surface, threatening to crash me into despair. My chest stutters, my breathing coming hard, as I struggle to hold it in.

His fingers start moving against my arm, the tips softly caressing my skin, revealing he’s awake. That soft comfort breaks whatever resolve or resistance I might have been able to salvage—just like his tender kiss did when he punished me.

I sink into him. I can’t help myself. It doesn’t matter what he’s done or what he’s going to do; I’ve missed him so damn much. His touch, his comfort, even his brutality.

Ithurtwhen he punished me. Those first three strikes with his baton nearly broke me. I thought my mind was about to cave in and I’d never be the same again. But then he threw it away and pulled me close while he spanked me, and the resistance I’d held on to for so long started crumbling. That combination of his cruelty and comfort did me in, but not in that devastating, irrevocable way. It was in that same way as when he stole my dignity with the straitjacket, the gag, and the dildo, or the electrotherapy. It freed my mind and my emotions, allowing me to cry it all out in the safe space of his embrace.

A small whimper escapes me at all the conflicting emotions those memories give rise to. In response, Dorin tightens his grip protectively and presses a soft kiss to my shoulder. It’s that same tender kiss he gave me when he punished me, so full of affection and care.

---