Page 48 of Heal Me

With a shrug, Dax grabs the strap again.

“Fine,” Zoltan relents. “Five grand extra.”

Dax steps back and turns to the side table, where he puts on gloves and prepares the ink. He pauses a few times to study the girl with the muzzle, and I sense him considering something.

He takes the tattoo gun, about to begin, but puts it back down and goes to the door. Sticking his head out, he calls out for someone to come and lend him a hand.

As Dax barks orders into the hall, Zoltan toys with the knife. He slides it down my chest and stomach. His arm is right at my face, his skin caressing my cheek with feigned intimacy as he moves the knife in a slow motion as if he’s caressing me with it. As I stare at the blade, I realize this is my chance. The knife is not my enemy. It’s my friend.

I act quickly, biting down on his arm. Hard. The bloody taste of copper filling my mouth and the feeling of flesh breaking under my teeth almost make me retch, but I bite deeper as Zoltan roars and tries to pull his arm away. It only takes a secondfor his hand to pop open and the knife to fall onto my stomach. It slides toward the floor, but I snap my hand out and grab it, not caring that I catch the blade and cut my palm in the process.

Before Zoltan can recover and snatch the knife from me, I scramble off the table and back up, pressing the knife to my wrist.

I can do it, I can do it, I can do it,I tell myself as I close my eyes and force all my strength into my hand. And then I cut. The moment I pull at the knife, I know it’s enough force to finally achieve what I was too much of a coward to finish before. But just as I pull, a hand clamps around my arm, yanking me back. The knife disappears from my skin, only making a shallow cut.

“No!” I cry out, pulling at my arm to try and cut again. “Let go,” I demand, spinning around as I put in more force. I get it free, but the jerk sends my hand and the knife slicing through the air and cutting my assailer.

Or protector,I realize to my horror as I see the wide-eyed girl with the leather mask clutching at her stomach.

Her bleeding stomach.

I step back, shaking my head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” is all I can say. I’d do anything not to hurt that girl, but in the process of hurting myself, I did it.Why can’t I just die?

Chaos erupts around me as someone comes in. I keep watching her as Dax darts to her and takes her in his arms while someone pulls me back and wrests the knife from my hand. It takes a minute for me to realize that it’s not Zoltan who has grabbed me, and a small gush of relief blows through me as I’m pulled out of the room, away from him. But the relief dies as my eyes flit back to the bleeding girl, who glances from her wound to me with shock and pain mixing in her wide eyes.

Regret unlike any curdles in my stomach as I think I just might end up killing her instead of me.

30

DORIN

I’ve been driving for two hours straight. It’s well past midnight. By now, Lavinia is probably standing on the podium in the auction room while sleazy, stuck-up, arrogant men bid on her, wanting to get their filthy hands on her.

Rex makes a low whine from the backseat as I speed and hit a pothole in the gravelly mountain road, making the car bounce.

“Sorry,” I mutter, reluctantly slowing down. I don’t care about myself at this point, but I don’t want to kill Rex. I have no idea why I even brought him or where we’re going. Maybe part of me needed to bring him in case I decided not to return. It doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. The thought of going back there and knowing she’s gone is unbearable. Maybe I should just disappear deep into the mountains with Rex, build a small cabin, and stay there. He’d enjoy going hunting with me, and I might enjoy the solitude.

The thought swirls in my mind for another half hour, seeming more and more like a good idea.

When Rex starts whimpering and tapping his paw at the window, I pull the car over at a wide place in the road and let him out to pee. Leaning against the car while waiting, I tap my fingers against my phone in my jeans. I’m itching to take it out and check the transaction logs to see if a sale on Lavinia has gonethrough, but I keep myself in check, knowing it will only make everything worse to see she’s been sold.

“Good boy,” I tell Rex when he returns from within the trees, bouncing with joy. I scratch him behind the ear, enjoying the way he leans into me.This is all I need, I tell myself. But as I let him into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat myself, I know it’s not true. I need more. Leaning my head back into the seat, I close my eyes and conjure images of stringing a girl up and whipping her until she screams. But it’s still not enough. The thought is nowhere near as satisfying as it used to be.

The image morphs. The unspecific girl takes shape. Blonde locks that fall in soft waves down her back. Long scars crisscross her milky skin. Old burn marks rise in uneven patches. Eyes as blue as a summer lake appear before my inner eye, watching me with trust and vulnerable surrender. I open and close my fist. What I wouldn’t give to crash my palm onto the soft mounds of her ass, holding her close and soothing away the pain as she cries out. Comforting her and telling her everything will get better as the tears start falling.

I imagine bringing her upstairs, tucking her into my bed, and getting in behind her. Letting Rex join us and curl up next to her. Her petting his fur and me stroking her hair.

I breathe a deep sigh, finding a moment of contentment as I get lost in the idea.

But then time passes in my vision, just like when I thought about this earlier, and she comes to want more. She realizes what a monster I am, begs me to stop hurting other women, hating me because I won’t—can’t—change.

With a grunt, I open my eyes and turn the key to start the engine. It’s a fantasy. It will never work in real life.

I’m about to pull off the side of the road, but I stop just as I’m about to hit the gas. Without thinking, I grab the phone from my pocket and log in to our system. Needing to know what’llhappen to her, I check the latest sales. Whatever I find there won’t change a thing, but I need to know.

I scroll down the list of sales for this week, almost not expecting to see her name since the sales probably won’t have been finalized yet. But there she is. Her number appears at the bottom of the list.

Unit: 248101

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