Page 77 of First Chance

“That’s not what this is.”

“Then what is it? Because I am so sick of feeling worthless.”

“That’s how I made you feel?” He looks devastated.

“Yes. Believe it or not, I have feelings. Being kind to me one second and then snapping at me the next hurts.” I can’t lookat him while I speak, my head’s twisted to the side, staring out across the property.

“Dammit, Jo. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings, I’m just an idiot when it comes to you.”

“Hayes said you didn’t know how to talk to women.” I laugh humorlessly.

“That’s probably true, but you’re on a-whole-nother level. I suffocate when I’m near you.” He jets up from his seat on the steps and starts pacing back and forth, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

“Like you’re in prison,” I mutter.

He skids to a stop and looks at me. “No, not like I’m in prison. Like I don’t have the privilege to breathe the same air as you.”

“What?”

“You don’t belong here, Jo. I stand by that, but it’s not because you’re not worthy of being here. It’s because you are too damn good for this place. You shouldn’t be running away from bullets or worried if one of the parolees will slip up. You shouldn’t be out there begging for money for this place. Or, being propped up on stage for your family’s sake when they treat you like crap. You shouldn’t be subjected to all my shit.” He points to his head, clarifying what he means.

That’s the kindest thing he’s ever said to me, but it sounds like he’s about to fire me. “I like it here.”

“But, you shouldn’t.”

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I want you to be happy and safe. I want you to be proud of the work you do here, and then I want you to leave it in your rear view mirror as fast as possible. Move on to bigger and better things.”

“Okay…”

“I promised your brother I’d keep you safe, and I intend to keep that promise.”

“My brother?”

“Sheriff Malec.”

“He told you.”

“Yeah. Why didn’t you?”

I’ve wondered that many times, but I always concluded that it wasn’t the time to share something so deeply life-altering for me.

“When I was a little girl, close to Emory’s age, I had a pet bunny that I loved. She was all white except for a black spot around her nose and right eye. She was my best friend.”

Lochlan stands silently, letting me purge myself.

“I came home from school one day, and she wasn’t in her cage. I ran around for hours looking for her until I found her behind the pool house. My brother had killed her. Pulled her arms off, tuffs of fur out, and mutilated her with a stick… He stood next to me, laughing about it.”

“What?” He throws his hands out as if he’s outraged because Lochlan Dane has a moral code.

“I bawled my eyes out to my parents, and they didn’t care. They swept it under the rug and told me to get over it… I knew then that I was alone. My family was the worst of the worst. I kept my head down and did my best to avoid trouble, to avoid Conrad, my entire life.”

“Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, darlin’.”

A sad sigh escapes me. “Until he abandoned a child,” I admit, barely above a whisper.

Lochlan tips his head and squeezes his eyes shut, “Son of a bitch…” He mumbles.

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