Page 114 of Maybe We Can Fake It

I’m sure she doesn’t buy my fake bravado, but she just squeezes me tighter and says, “I love you.”

There’s a framed picture hanging on the wall behind her. It’s of the two of us, laughing and covered in paint after we bailed on a class at the art supply store because we were both so terrible at it.

I focus on how happy we look there as I fight to keep the tears at bay. “I know you do, kid. And I love you more than anything.”

“I know,” she says, releasing me after one more squeeze. “And Travis—”

“No.”

“Dad.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

She frowns as she steps back. “I’m sure you don’t. But Grandma and Grandpa were in the car right behind me, so you need to figure out what to say to them.”

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

They know I’ve been lying to them about Travis this whole time.

Oh god, this is so humiliating. But this is what I get for coming up with the insane idea of pretending to have a boyfriend instead of telling them the truth in the first place.

All the insecurities I had when they first got here come rushing back at me. That they won’t think I’m a good enough father to take care of May. That I’m a failure at everything.

I’ve almost worked myself up into a full-blown panic attack by the time Elise and Grant walk in. Rather than acknowledge them, I spin on my heels and hightail it to the kitchen. Mostly to delay facing them, but also because I really need some fucking coffee right now.

Naturally, they don’t let me get away with this. They just follow me in there, with May a few steps behind them. Elise takes a seat at the table, but Grant remains standing in the middle of the room. I can sense his eyes on my back as I shake out the coffee grounds into a filter. After hitting the button on the machine, I stand there staring at the pot, waiting for it to brew.

No one says anything. The only sounds in the room are made by the drips of coffee hitting the glass pot. I don’t even last a minute of this weird torture before I can’t take it anymore and turn around to face the inquisition.

Grant crosses his arms over his chest and starts it off. “I’d like to know what’s going on here, if you don’t mind.”

“Right.” I nod. “Well. You see...” I trail off, my eyes flicking over to May as if she can save me. But she only gives me a sympathetic look from the seat she’s taken beside her grandmother. Because I need to do this myself.

“We’d just like to understand, dear,” Elise says kindly. Too kindly. I don’t deserve kindness when I’ve screwed up so badly.

“Does anyone want coffee?” I blurt out. I grab my mug and fill it, then glance around at everyone watching me like I’m an act at the circus. A tightrope walker who fell off the tightrope.

Looking tired (of me, not physically), Grant says he’ll have a cup. We both take a few moments adding cream and sugar before we sit down, and then I’m out of ways to stall this conversation. I can only hope that all the time we’ve spent together over the last few weeks, getting to know one another better, will have meant something, and keeps them from hating me too much.

“So I didn’t intend to lie to you guys,” I say to preface my confession. “But I lied. About Travis. Well, about me having a boyfriend.” I look at Elise. “It just sort of came out when you called and were talking about how you wished I wasn’t raising May alone. It was stupid, but then I didn’t want to admit that I made it up, because that would’ve made me look bad. So I roped Travis into pretending to be in a relationship with me. It’s not his fault, and I’m so sorry.”

For a minute, nobody says anything. May nudges me with her foot under the table, and when I glance at her, she smiles at me encouragingly.

Then Grant says, “That’s outrageous.”

I wince. “Yes. I know. I’m sorry.”

Elise reaches out, lightly tapping my arm. Though with how hard I have to fight not to wince again, you’d think she smackedme. “We just don’t understand why you thought you needed to make up something like that.”

“Because you said... I thought...” I wrap my hand firmly around my mug, letting the heat almost burn me. “I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t enough for May on my own.”

“Oh, honey, no,” she says, shaking her head. “That’s not what I meant. Not at all.” She shoots her husband a meaningful look, then turns her gaze back to me. “When I said I wish you didn’t have to raise May alone, I actually meant... Well, Grant and I mostly missed out on May’s childhood, and we don’t want to miss any more time with her. With the both of you. So we’ve been discussing a move.”

“A move?” May asks.

She nods. “We planned to use this trip to look for a house somewhere near the two of you. I don’t think this town is the best fit for us, but one of the surrounding towns would be nice. So we’d only be a short drive away.”

Holy shit.

---