Page 18 of Maybe We Can Fake It

When I make the mistake of gazing down at his hand, he takes it away.

“If you don’t want your dad to know you’re gay, then this is risky,” he continues. “I know he’s out of town right now, and we’d only be pretending in front of May’s grandparents, but still. What if someone else here finds out? You know how quickly Mayweather rumors spread. There’s no way people wouldn’t tell your dad.”

He's right. But I don’t see how anyone would find out. It’s not like I plan to make out with him in the middle of the town gazebo. Shit, I wouldn’t do something like that even if Iwasout. Public displays are absolutely not my thing.

And yet, the thought of making out with Brenden sends a flash of heat through me. But I shake it off and attempt to think this through.

My dad’s out of town. He’s stuck on crutches for weeks because of his accident. It would’ve been difficult for me to take care of him and keep a constant eye on him to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid when I work so much. Plus his bedroom is on the second floor of his house, and I live in the tiny apartment above the diner. So the easiest solution was for him togo stay with my aunt who’s retired and lives in a one-story house forty-five minutes away.

Honestly, that distance is the only reason I’m even letting myself consider going along with Brenden’s plan.

“We’d have to be careful,” I warn him. “But if we only need to act like a couple around them and May, it should be okay.”

His eyes fly wide. “Oh my god. May! Just slap me and call me stupid.”

“Huh?”

“I’m such an idiot! I need another piece of pizza.”

I have no idea how that’s going to help anything. But I offer him my untouched slice, which he doesn’t hesitate to take, even though there’s plenty left in the boxes on the counter. “Why are you an idiot?”

“I’ve been so busy freaking out, I didn’t stop to consider how May factors into this. I’d obviously have to tell her what we’re doing. She’ll think I’ve lost my mind!”

“Ithink you may have lost your mind,” I say. Because I’m willing to help him with this plan if it’s what he really wants to do, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s a particularlygoodplan.

He squints his eyes like he’s trying to glare, but it gives off more of a disgruntled puppy vibe than a threatening one. Then he sighs and picks at the pizza, pulling off some of the cheese. “I probably have. But I dunno. It’s like... I wonder if maybe they’re right? Maybe I am doing a shitty job here. Am I the worst parent in the world because I’m considering asking my kid to lie to her grandparents for me?”

The anguished look he gives me breaks my heart.

How can he even think he’s a shitty parent? I’ve seen the way he’s raised May all these years. Every kid deserves parents that dedicated to them. If one day May has something important to tell her dad about herself, I’m sureshewon’t be scared to do it.

“You’re doing the best job a parent could,” I tell him. “You and May have an incredible relationship. Just talk to her. She’ll either agree to go along with this, or she’ll tell you she’s not comfortable with it. And if she says that, then I know you won’t do it, because you always put her first.”

He takes a bite and chews slowly. As I watch him, taking in his features—the black-framed glasses, his defined jawline, his perfectly sculpted eyebrows, plump bottom lip glistening with grease and just about begging to be bit—it hits me that even though this is probably a bad idea, I almostwantto do it. Some crazy, selfish part of me wants to know what it would feel like, pretending to be his boyfriend.

I bet it would feel good.

Even if it could never be real, because Brenden has a playful energy that would only get zapped out if he was foolish enough to fall for a guy like me.

When his tongue darts out to swipe at the grease on his lip, my eyes track the movement hungrily. “All right,” he finally says. “I’m gonna ask her.”

Well, okay then. I expect him to get up and do it right now, but he doesn’t. Instead we both stay here, finishing our beers.

This day has been a lot. While I’m not used to sharing my feelings with someone, what Iamused to is pushing the idea of coming out to my dad to the back of my mind. I haven’t even considered it in so long. I don’t particularly want to consider it now, but Brenden’s quiet presence feels like a safe space, so my mind begins to wander.

It’s true my dad doesn’t seem to have a problem with any of the queer people in town. And it’s been so long since I heard him use the f-slur, that sometimes I almost question my memory and the stuff I heard from him back when I was young.

But then again, there’s also the fact that he’s constantly hounding me, asking when I’m going to find someone and getmarried. Never mind that my mom left him—and me—when I was little, and he’s been bitter about it for the last twenty-five years. Even though he never bothered to try again, he still pushes all that heteronormative crap on me. At least he hasn’t talked about wanting grandkids.

I haven’t been in a relationship in so long, and I haven’t missed it. But if I had the option to date someone here without hiding it, do I think that’s something I might want at some point?

I don’t really know.

All I know is that if I end up pretending to date Brenden for a week, my dad can’t find out about it. Maybe Icouldcome out to him someday, but I’m not ready to make the decision now. And there’s no point in coming out for a fake relationship anyway.

CHAPTER FIVE

BRENDEN

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