Page 99 of Maybe We Can Fake It

He’s really here with me, in my arms, tangled up, turning my fantasies into something more. Into something that looks an awful lot like a future.

“Thank you for last night,” he says when we come up for air. And I’m not sure what he’s thanking me for, since I didn’t pay for the dinner. All I did was show up.

So I kiss him again. Because I can. Because I want to. I always want to.

We kiss until he grows hard against me. But when I reach down to take him in my hand, he rolls himself off me.

“I should get to work.” He sounds regretful, but also like something else I don’t understand.

I won’t push him though. I let him slip out of bed and watch him tug a pair of pajama pants over his legs, skipping underwear. He tells me he’s going to take a shower, and I’m tempted to get up and join him, but it didn’t sound like an invitation.

Then he says, “You’ve got to get to the diner, right?”

I nod, although I really don’t need to go yet. I made sure Benji would open this morning, because I knew I was going out with Brenden last night. Even if I never expected the night to end the way it did, I figured I’d be tired.

Before I can work up the nerve to ask if something is wrong, he comes back over to the bed, leans down, and kisses me confidently. Pulling away, he says, “Last night was wonderful. I’ll see you later.”

All I can do is nod again and watch as he disappears into the bathroom. Then I get up and find a T-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts in his drawer where I’ve still got some of myclothes. A long run might help clear my head so I can figure out what’s going on here.

Because I woke up thinking I’d just gotten what I’ve always wanted, and now I’m questioning if I misread the whole thing. If Brenden doesn’t want this the same way I do.

He did say it wasn’t real. But that was before we...

There’s no way he would have slept with me only as some messed up form of repayment for me playing his fake boyfriend. Right?

Leaving my truck at his house, I run down the street. Then I take a left and keep going. I run my way through town until my legs ache and my lungs burn. Running is my preferred form of exercise, but I’ve been slacking lately, and my body is making me regret that now. But I keep going.

I only stop when I realize I’ve run all the way to Shaw Family Farm. Connor is there, crouched down in one of the orchards. Leaning against the short white fence to rest, I call out, “Hey!”

His head whips around, and he smiles when he sees me. He stands up, wiping his palms on his jeans as he heads over my way. “Hey, man. What are you doing out here?”

“Just went for a run,” I tell him, still catching my breath.

He raises his eyebrows as he sets one boot on the lowest rung of the fence. “All this way?”

“Kinda got lost in my head.”

“Oh yeah?” he says. And I realize I shouldn’t have said that. He knows I’m not the sharing type, but now I probably piqued his interest.

“It’s nothing,” I say quickly.

“Well, that nothing has got you dripping sweat, which means maybe it’s something.”

Stepping away from the fence, I mutter, “I guess.”

“You feel like telling me about it?” he asks.

“Don’t you have work to do?”

He grins. “There’s always work to do, but the beauty of owning your own farm is you can take a break whenever you want. No harm in pausing to enjoy this nice weather.”

I should come up with an excuse to leave—tell him I need to get to the diner, which is not that far off from being the truth. But as I scuff the toe of my sneaker into the grass and he continues smiling at me, waiting me out, I make a decision.

A couple weeks ago, he told me about his sexuality. If there’s anyone besides Brenden who I can talk with about this, it’s him. So I take a deep breath, and then I say it.

“I’m... gay.”

It seems to take him a moment to process my words. When he does, his eyes grow wide. “Wait, what? You are? But how?”

---