Page 82 of Lovers' Dance: Vol. 2

“I’ve changed immensely since knowing you.” His fingers were touching me intimately now. The surrounding water made everything more intense, any movement causing small ripples that lapped against us.

“How so?” I asked after taking another sip.

Matt reached over to take my drink and place it next to his untouched one. Hmm, he was trying to get me drunk.

“I’m less of a judgemental arse with people,” he said thoughtfully. “You’ve softened me.”

I closed my eye. “Like with Raheem?” The touching stopped. Damn. Should’ve kept my mouth shut. I opened both eyes now.

“We discussed this last week, Madi.”

“I know, I know,” I sat up and straddled him. “And I wasn’t referring to it in a bad light, what I meant,” I kissed his cheek. “Was that we both raised our points,” I took a tiny nip of his earlobe. “And came to an understanding.” I kissed down his neck. “You’re overly sensitive whenever this topic comes up.”

Matt placed his hands on my shoulder and gently pushed back so he could see me. The water lapped against the edge of the tub.

“It’s a sensitive topic.” he said quietly. “I’ve got so much to learn and I feel like an ignorant arse whenever I make a mistake. You know I feel uncomfortable discussing race with you.”

I stuck my tongue out to lighten the mood. Matt wrinkled his face at my antics.

“There will be times when it crops up.” I warned.

“Like when we have children?” he asked with grey eyes showing a glint of future worry.

Children?The fuck was he talking about? I rose up in shock, sosudden was my movement that my knees weren’t stable and I ended falling back into the water. Only Matt’s grip on my arm kept me from going under completely. Half my head was soaked though.

“Wha- what?” I spluttered, frantically dabbing at the bubbles on one side of my face. “Kids? But you don’t want kids.”

Matt cocked his head at me. “Of course I want children, poppet. Don’t you?”

At my growing silence his beautiful face underwent a startling transformation. From surprise to uncertainty, then disbelief seeped in, it finally settled on open horror.

“Madison,” He abruptly let my arm go.

The moment I was free I scooted back. The water splashed over the tub, so agitated were my movements.

“Don’t you want to have children with me?” he asked quietly.

“I - I - we never talked about this, Matt. You never told me you wanted children.” I stammered.

Matt ran a wet hand through his hair as we stared at each other. “When we met, children were the furthest thing from my mind,” He glanced away for a second before returning his piercing gaze to my face. “But I love you, we’re married and I’ll be 38 this year. Of course I bloody want children. Don’t you?”

Did I?

“Poppet?” Matt moved towards me and I scooted back further, it was instinctive. He froze in the water, noting my demeanour.

“Matt, I’m a ballerina!”

“And?” he asked in a dark voice. His shock was being replaced by something else. Something that made me want to get the hell out of the tub.

“It’s my career and kids don’t work with my career,” I was shrieking. The suddenness of this conversation was freaking me out. One minute we were talking about understanding and accepting certain things about our different races; the next minute it was kids.What the fuck was going on in the tub?

“You don’t want to start a family with me?” Matt moved again, this time it was away from me. Good. I didn’t want to be close to him during this surreal moment.

“Matt,”

“Answer the bloody question.” The tone of his voice was teetering on a shout.

“My body will change,” I yelled back. “My hips will get wide. Are you insane? It’s a small amount of dancers who become pregnant during their performing years and that’s because our career is so intense, so self-focused. Having a baby will take me offstage for more than a frigging year! I’ve heard stories of women who did it and came back with a multitude of injuries. Back problems, ligament and tendon injuries…all these things that they never experienced before giving birth. And the career of a dancer is short. Do you know the average retirement age of a dancer is 29? I’m 27 already, probably only have a few years left, if I’m lucky. Who’s going to take care of the baby? Are you going to be a stay at home dad? Or are we going to have nannies looking after these kids you want? What’s the point of having kids if you’re just going to palm them over to someone else?”

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