Page 28 of Deadly Little Hearts

My mother’s sitting on the couch, her hands resting on her knees, staring at the little table in front of her.No.She didn’t.Fuck, I knew this was all too good to be true.

“Mom?”I ask and she looks up.

“I didn’t—I want to, but I haven’t yet.”She releases a heavy sob.“Freya, it’s all too much.”Her voice breaks, and I drop the remote and move toward her, ignoring the needles and drugs scattered on the table.I want to yell, scream, and kick the table over, but it won’t help.It’ll make things worse, push her over the edge.

I sit next to her and grab her hands.She doesn’t look at me, her gaze moving back to the table.

“This isn’t going to bring Alec back.Please don’t do this again,” I plead, and her hands squeeze mine.

“But I can’t feel all this anymore, Freya.I’m not strong enough,” she sobs out, and I swallow past the razor blades in my throat.

“You are.But I’m not going to ask you to stop for me or Alec, because you have to want to do this for yourself.Do you really want to continue living like this?”I ask, letting go of one of her hands and reaching out.My thumb brushes over her cheek, taking away her tears.

Her body trembles, and she wraps her arms around my waist, clinging to me.My stomach drops, and I freeze, unsure of what to do.Her hand comes to rest on my chest as she holds me like I’m her lifeline.

She hasn’t hugged me like this in years.I can’t even remember the last time.My arms eventually drop, and I run my hands over her back.

“I wish I was strong like you,” she whispers into my chest, and I have no idea what to say back.

I don’t feel strong.I may act like nothing affects me, but inside, I’m a mess.Like a ticking bomb ready to blow at any second.I don’t know how to deal with all my emotions, other than by jumping off cliffs or putting myself in reckless situations.

Instead of dealing with all my trauma, I’ve put Band-Aids over it again and again.I’m too afraid to rip them off because, if I do, I’ll drown.There will be no saving me from the tidal waves.

For the first time in my life, I understand why she does this.My mother uses these drugs to numb the pain because it’s all too much.She’s grown used to numbing everything, to constantly chasing that high and freezing everything else out.Now, it’s all coming back to her, and she’s drowning.I get it, I really do, but I can’t help her unless she wants to help herself first.

I just hope she’s strong enough to face her demons.This is the first challenge.

Chapter 15

Hazen

Myfingerstightenaroundthe balcony railing of Freya’s new bedroom.The last ray of sunlight bounces off the water, reflecting into my eyes.After a few days of negotiations, the old tenants moved out of this place—and now it’s mine.

I feel free here, away from my father’s house, his hold over me, and the place that holds so many unsettling memories for me and my brothers.Having my own place is a step in the right direction—it means more independence away from him.A space for me, Gage, Lucas, and Freya.It’s still on the same street as Lucas’s, and Gage’s place is just down the road.

All I ever wanted was my father’s approval, for him to be proud of me, and now I don’t know that I’ll ever have that.But do I still really want it?

Ever since Dad left the meeting the other night, guilt has churned in my gut.He messaged me, telling me he was disappointed, and that there was still time to turn things around.But we want different things.He says the councilors will never help us with our new plans for Daringhood.What if he’s right?What if the way we’re doing things is destined to fail?

All we can do is try.

Thinking of Freya, the life she’s led, reminds me of that.

We’ve been training our whole lives for this, when we’d be in power, and now we’re lining up our own connections for allies outside of Daring.Dominic always had his favorites and the people he worked with, but we want to expand, change things up.I hate that I still want him to be proud of me.I don’t want to be the son that waits for his father’s approval, to be told I’ve been a good boy.

Although I don’t want to believe my father is a threat, I know him; he won’t give up that easily, and I won’t wait to be stabbed in the back.I want to be one step ahead of him.I’ve got Brax watching Dominic, keeping eyes on him around town, but Dad hasn’t made any moves yet.

The meeting is approaching, and I still have no idea if this is going to work.Half of The Brotherhood is on board with an attempt at more equality and less bloodshed, but the other half—those who are more loyal to my father than us—aren’t in favor of change or loosening the power hold.

I get it.It would be hard to get behind young blood coming in and taking over under these circumstances, but they should know better than to question us and our authority.They might need reminding of that.

My phone vibrates from the table behind me.I grab it and find a text from Freya, saying she’ll be a little late to the meeting, but she doesn’t give a reason.I reply with a simpleokayand shove the phone into my pants pocket.

I have no idea why she still insists on staying at her mother’s place when she’s welcome to stay on this side of the tracks.I won’t push her because I know she won’t listen.She has to want to do it herself, which I respect.Her room’s almost ready here, and I can’t wait to show her.I’ve just picked out her bathtub, and some soldiers are here installing it.

A car door slams shut, followed by voices carrying through the air.I lean over the balcony as the last of the sun sets over the ocean.Lucas and Gage are head to head, yelling at each other.Gage shoves Lucas, and he falls back into his car.Oh shit.

Not waiting for them to beat the shit out of each other, I head back through Freya’s bedroom, then down the hallway and stairs.Fists are getting thrown.I come to a stop between them, my hands on both their chests.Lucas has blood dripping from his lip, and Gage is glaring at him with so much anger.

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