Page 41 of Deadly Little Hearts

I’m scared to take a step over the tracks, because if I do, Kai will think I’ve chosen them, and I can’t lose him too.This whole situation is fucked.I’m certain Kai didn’t blow up that town hall and neither did The Brotherhood.Someone targeted both sides, killing over one hundred people.Neither side will back down because they are equally stubborn.

Whoever planted that explosion intended to cause chaos, and they’ve succeeded.Battle lines have been drawn, and I’m smack-dab in the middle of it.Maybe I should set up a tent in the middle of the tracks and just stay there until this is sorted out.Then I won’t be choosing anyone.

A loud wail, then a bang comes from the living room, and I kick the sheets off and roll out of bed.Grabbing my phone, I shove it into my pocket before ripping open my door.I run down the hallway and find Mom bent over the table, her fingers clawing through her short brown hair.Tears stream down her face and she screams.The high pitch bleeds through my ears.

I kneel in front of her, taking her hands in mine, but she won’t look at me.My heart hammers against my chest.

“What’s going on?”I ask, and more tears flow.

“They killed my friend,” she wails.

“Who?”

“Jessie’s gone!”she yells, ripping her hands out of mine.

I stumble backward from the force, landing on my ass.

“They did this!”she roars, before kicking the table.It flips over, banging into the wall.

I freeze, afraid if I make one wrong move, she’ll snap even more.“You don’t know that,” I whisper, then her wide eyes are on me.

Fuck, I shouldn’t have said anything.She glares at me with so much hatred, my hands begin to shake.I’m unsure of what she’ll do next.

She releases a loud exhale through her teeth before she spins around, heading for the kitchen.I could run through the door and leave now, but I can’t move.I’m paralyzed, my limbs unable to work.She rips open a cupboard, and pots and pans fall onto the kitchen counter as she rummages for something inside.

My breathing picks up.She wouldn’t.Not again.She’s better now.She won’t do this.

There’s a sparkle in her eyes as she pulls out her dirty old black-and-white-checkered purse.My heart explodes into a million pieces.I can guess what’s inside there.

“Mom, please don’t,” I beg, but she ignores me, her gaze set on the needle and drugs.

She turns her back on me, taking out the heroin from the purse, and as she starts heating it up, then transferring it to the needle, I don’t move.I need to because as soon as that touches her veins, she’ll be gone, and she’ll never come back.

I swore that if she went back, then I’d be done.I can’t keep doing this.I’ve spent the better half of my life hoping she’ll pull through after she’s stopped, that she won’t go back.Time and time again, she does.She always chooses the needle over me, over Alec, over our family.

She plunges it into her veins before dropping the needle to the counter.Her body sags back against the bench, a smile touching her lips.

“Why?”I whisper, more to myself than her, but her gaze reaches mine.

The smile switches to an angry scowl.“You were never good enough for Dominic.I knew he hurt you and it’s all your fault.Your brother getting killed, me developing a habit—that’s all on you,” she seethes, and the ground below me drops, swallowing me whole.

She keeps talking, but my ears start to ring, blocking her out.My mind’s screaming at me to move, to get out of here before I do something I’ll regret.But I can’t.I’m frozen in place, sucked into the depths of hell, and I don’t know how to leave.

My mother’s words repeat in my mind over and over.She let Dominic touch me.She allowed him to do unspeakable things to me.All for what?So she could get her next hit?Bile rises in my throat, and I want all this to disappear.I want my brother here.I need him.He’d know what to do—he always did.He was my protector, my everything.

Movement catches my gaze, and my mother storms toward me.I start to stand, but my legs give way and I fall back down.Darkness claims me with its sharp claws.I don’t want to be swallowed whole, but it consumes me.Red-hot pain pulls through my skull.Just give in.Let her take you.I surrender and let go, giving in to the voice inside my head.I’m done.This is it—she can do as she wishes.She can’t take anything else from me now.

The one person I loved more than anything else is gone.It should have been me instead.A wave of relief pulses over me.I won’t have to fight anymore.Everything will disappear and I’ll finally be free.Something hard hits my cheek, and I tumble sideways, my head hitting the carpet.My ears ring like a violin.

A voice breaks through the storm, reaching for me.Move, Frey, get out now.Save yourself.Run and never come back.

I can’t, I whisper back, and the voice gets louder, clearer.

I need you to move, Frey.Please.My brother’s voice is clear in my mind, and I want to get up, but it’s all too much.I have nowhere to go, nowhere to run.I’m better off just surrendering to my fate and letting her have me.

No.Move.Now.The voice is stronger, and I exhale loudly.I blink a couple of times, the room coming back into focus.The clouds clear.My mother releases my hair and stares down at me with her dull blue eyes as big as saucers.She’s not in there anymore.She’s gone, wasted on the drug, and I’m done trying to help her.I can’t save her; she can only save herself.

As I push myself up, my head starts to spin and pain radiates through my cheek.Mom reaches for me again, but I shove her back and she falls on her ass.Her chest rises and falls rapidly under her thin shirt.Her eyes turn to slits, and she spits at my feet.

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