Page 64 of Deadly Little Hearts

“Come inside—it’s freezing out here.Let’s talk.I need you with me,” she says, and I don’t move a muscle.Lucas stays silent beside me, but I feel his shoulder brush up against mine.

“Are you clean?”I ask.

My mother moves from one foot to the other.“Pretty much.”

I push my lips together.There’s no “pretty much”—she either is or isn’t.

“I’m going,” I say, taking a step backward.

“No, Freya, please.I need you,” she pleads.

“Why?”

“I need money.Please, just to get on my feet again.I’m trying to get better, but I need you.I have no one else.”

“Are you serious?This is what you called me here for?”I ball my hands into fists and exhale a heavy breath.“I thought you were in trouble.”

“Please, Freya,” she begs, and I shake my head.

“You should have thought of that before you treated me like shit for the last time,” I say, my voice breaking a little.I’m trying so hard to hold back the tears and anger I want to throw in her face.I want to tell her how much she’s hurt me over the years, hurt us both, but she won’t get it.It’s too late.

“I’ve got something to give you.”She disappears inside.

“You good?”Lucas asks, wrapping an arm over my shoulder, and I shrug.

She comes back out, carrying a journal in her hand.She passes it to me, and I take it, gazing down at the worn brown leather.

“I found it in Alec’s room.He would have wanted you to have it.”

I stare blankly at the journal, unable to move or talk.I remember giving this to him for his sixteenth birthday.I’d stolen it, wanting the perfect gift for him.He’d cherished this, writing in it every night.

Fuck, this is too much.

“Thank you,” I rasp.“Once you get clean and stay clean, call me, but until then, I can’t help you anymore,” I say, before turning away.

Fuck, I hope she gets better, but I can’t save her.She needs to save herself first.

I cling on to Alec’s journal like I’m holding on to him, because this is part of him, and giving it to me is the best thing my mother’s ever done for me.

Chapter 33

Freya

Wewalkinsilenceuntil we reach a park not far from the trailer.I sit down on the park bench and open Alec’s journal.

“Should we do this back at home?”Lucas ask, glancing around the park.

“Just give me a few minutes, please?”I ask, and he nods.

Using the light from my phone to see the pages, I run my fingers over the words I wrote all those years ago.

To Alec,

May you find peace through your thoughts.

All my love,

Frey xx

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