Page 50 of The Past

Tommy exhaled harshly, raking a hand through his hair.“Christ.”He turned away, pacing for a moment before looking back at me, his face exhibiting something between longing and restraint.“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

“This isn’t about proving anything.”I moved closer, my pulse hammering.“It’s about us.About what I feel for ye, what I want with ye.”My voice dropped, my confidence suddenly on shaky ground.“Unless… ye don’t want me that way?”

Tommy let out a rough sound, something between a sigh and a curse.“I don’t know that I’ve ever wanted anything more, but… I’ve got experience, Fiona, and well… I’m betting you don’t.”

I shook my head and looked to the floor, my heart plummeting at the realization that I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”he exclaimed, causing my head to lift.He stepped toward me, wrapped his hands around my upper arms and reeled me in closer.“Why would you be sorry for offering me a gift that I don’t know how I could ever deserve?”

A gift?That’s what he thinks?

But yes… I heard the reverence and wonder of it all in his tone.His eyes were soft, heat tinging the depths, but so much awe as he stared at me.

“Why wouldn’t ye deserve it, Tommy?I think yer the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”

“You don’t know me, Fi.”

“I do.”

“You don’t,” he said, his hands tightening slightly on my arms, but he didn’t push me away.“I was sent here by my father because I was wild.I partied.I chased girls—”

“I don’t care about that—”

“I caught a lot of girls,” he interjected, his stare boring into me so I was fully aware that he was no saint.

“Are ye trying to scare me off?”I asked in irritation.

“Yes.”

Silence ensued as we engaged in a staring war, neither of us knowing how to move past this line that had been drawn.I wanted him, so very badly.But only if he wanted me back.

“Do you love me, Fi?”he asked quietly, his blue eyes searching mine as if only I could have the answer to our dilemma.

It never occurred to me to lie to advance my agenda.“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.“I think I’m fallin’ in love with ye.I know I feel something deeply.I know I want to feel more.”

His breath rushed out, and I could see his resolve weakening.I was emboldened, putting my palms to his bare chest.His muscles flexed beneath my fingers, and I saw it then—the way he swallowed hard, the way his restraint was unraveling, thread by thread.

His hands slid down my arms, fingers curled around my wrists, and for a moment, he just held them, his breathing uneven.“If we do this…” His voice was hoarse.“We have to be safe.”

“I won’t tell a soul,” I assured him.

Tommy’s lips curved upward in amusement.“I’m not worried about that, darlin’.But I’m talking about not wanting to get you pregnant.”

“Oh,” I muttered.I was young and naive, but I did know how girls got pregnant.I had heard some other girls at school talking about the “pull out” method… it was when a guy was getting ready to…

Tommy’s fingers went to my chin and he forced my chin up.“I brought condoms with me from the States.”

I stared at him blankly for a moment, then understanding dawned.“Yes, I’ve heard about that.It’s illegal to import or sell them in Ireland.”

“Which is why I brought them,” he replied gently.And then waited for me to catch up to what he was trying to say, but I was feeling distinctly lost.His voice softened even more, as if he was letting me down.“I brought them not knowing I’d meet you, Fiona.I brought them thinking I would use them.”

I frowned, wondering why this was so hard to actually get going.I was assured by other girls with more experience that if ye told a guy ye wanted to have sex, they’d jump on it.“I’m not understandin’ what yer trying to tell me.”

Tommy chuckled, leaned forward and kissed my forehead.“And I think that’s making me fall for you even more,” he murmured, then dipped his face down to get closer to mine.“Doesn’t it bother you that I’ve been… well, with other girls?Had every intention of being with some here in Ireland.”

And now I understood and oddly, the man was charmin’ me even more.“I get ye were no saint, Tommy Blackburn.But that was before ye met me.”

His face lit up in delight and he tipped his head back, barking a laugh full of gusto before he pulled me into his arms.“Christ, Fiona… what did I do to deserve you?”

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