Page 83 of Mostly Shattered

“It won’t work for you,” Lorelai tells Conrad.

I run toward where Paul is standing and hold out my arms to block Conrad.

“She’s telling the truth. Remember, I told you what our grandfather said,”my ghost reminds him.“Once I put it on, it bonded to me. It doesn’t work for anyone else.”

Conrad gives a loud, grumbling sigh of irritation and aims his gun.

“Kill me instead,” I beg the labyrinth. “Take me. It doesn’t have to end like?—”

A loudbangstops my plea. I feel angry white heat stab through my stomach.

I look down, expecting blood. The bullet should have injured me, but I’m fine.

It is happening. Just like before. Just like my nightmares.

I hear Paul fall behind me. I don’t have to look. I know what’s happening. Blood is spilling out over his chest from his heart. I know his eyes are wide with shock, and he’s trying to speak, but no words make it past his dying lips. All I could do was hold him as his life slipped away.

“Paul?”My past is trying to stop the bleeding.“Paul!”

I turn. I’m not sure why. I don’t want to watch this, but I can’t stop myself. I already know how this ends. I know what happens next.

My ghost cradles Paul, uselessly pressing a hand over his heart.“Paul, baby, look at me. Stay with me. Don’t leave me.”

I stand over the scene, staring at Paul’s face as I try to suck back tears. He tries to speak, but only gurgles. The sound is as awful as I relive in my dreams. Lorelai is trying to help, but she can’t.

It’s coming. Any second.

I listen to his breathing. It suddenly stops, and he goes limp. His dead eyes haunt me.

The weight of Paul’s death crushes me all over again, and I feel like I’m drowning in my own guilt. I couldn’t save him. I failed him.

Pain releases inside me like a vice, crushing the last bit of my hope. The moment of losing him is as sharp and fresh as the first time it had happened. No, that’s not right. I truly believe that it’s worse now. I scream so loud and long, limbs shaking with the force of it. No one cares. No one can hear me. I try to hit Conrad, but he doesn’t feel me.

“Is this what you want?” I demand. I don’t know if I yell at the labyrinth or the prophecy or the very root of magic itself. “You want me to lose everything that matters?”

I fall to the ground to curl into a ball and hold my head as I rock back and forth. All I can hope is that this isn’t real. That it will end, and I’ll be back in the chamber of mirrors.

“Tamara,” Lorelai’s voice whispers, and I know she’s not talking to me, therealme.

I can’t open my eyes as I rock harder. I’m not brave. This is one trial I can’t pass.

“All those times,”comes my distorted ghostly echo.“I made excuses for you. I told people you had a hard life but were good deep down.”

I finally open my eyes to look at Conrad. He’s smirking, and I remember thinking that he watched my grief like a play. It amused him. He enjoyed it.

“But they were right. You’re broken. You’re…”My ghost sobs.

“Let’s try this again,” Conrad taunts. “Hand me the amulet, or I shoot Mommy.”

“Don’t. He’ll kill us both anyway,” Lorelai warns as Conrad steps forward to aim the gun at her head.

I crawl to Paul’s body, stroking his cheek as I ignore everything else.

“I’m so sorry this happened, Paul.” I lean over to kiss his unresponsive lips gently. This world is not right. “We only had a few days, but they were the best of my life. I love you.”

“Tick-tock. Necklace or Mommy?” Conrad says.

“Here. Take it. I hope you choke on it!”My ghost throws the amulet at Conrad.

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