Page 87 of Mostly Shattered

Costin is so achingly beautiful—eternal, immortal, powerful. I always felt superior to women who fell for monsters. Truth be told, I mocked them a little in my head. I told myself that I never understood the appeal.

Yet here I am. Torn between my memory of Paul and the reality of Costin.

I can’t believe I’mthatgirl. Torn between feelings for two men.

“Admit it. You’re only with me because my grandfather told you that you owed me a life debt and made you promise. This prophecy is the only reason you gave me the time of day.”

“How can you forget our past?” He searches my eyes, and his gaze swirls.

“What past?”

“Do you care for me at all?” He lifts his hand to the mirror I disappeared into. “Or is this all you’ll ever feel? Are you still trapped in that moment with him? Because if that is all you have, let me know now.”

His words hit me like a physical blow. Paul’s loss had consumed me for so long, and the guilt, the grief, had become a part of me. But standing here, having relived the alternative option where no one lives, I start to realize something. I’ve been stuck. Stuck in a memory, stuck in a past that never happened. And no matter how much I loved Paul, he’s gone. He’s never coming back.

The pain is still there—sharp and deep—but there’s something else too. An understanding. A clarity I didn’t have before.

“I’m sorry, Costin. Part of me will always love him and wonder what if.” I can’t make myself lie to soften the truth. “But what I had with him was just a glimpse at a life I can’t have. I’ve been told I’m not special and I will never have magic. I used to wish so hard when I was little that I’d somehow come into power and be worthy of my family. As I got older, I realized coming into powerful magic was never going to happen, and I needed a more realistic dream. So, I fantasized about being normal. Everyone’s voices have been in my head, telling me what Iam, what I need to do, and who I need to be. The truth is, I don’t know what I want.”

The words feel like a release, like a weight lifting off my chest. I take a deep breath, my body still shaking, but I feel... lighter. As though, for the first time, I’m allowing myself to admit the full truth.

I study Costin. My heart is still raw from the pain of the memory, but my head is clearer now. “I won’t forget him,” I admit softly. “But I can’t live in that moment forever.”

The mirrors start to sway and shimmer. Those shimmers turn into tiny green butterflies. The answer to this last trial comes to my tired brain like a whisper from beyond. That is what I have not had the courage to face until now. I’ve been lying to everyone and pining for a future that can never be. I’ve been too afraid to talk about what happened to me.

“It’s like the prophecy said.” I lift my hand to stir the butterflies. They swarm around us, and I feel their magic blanketing us. “Fate cannot be changed.”

Chapter

Twenty-One

The light from the butterflies becomes overwhelming, and I have to close my eyes to keep from being blinded by their magic. Relief fills me to know that the trials are over. I’ve passed. The hard part is over.

There is a tiny fear that Costin following me into the labyrinth will come with a cost. However, I’ve done what has been asked of me. I survived what everyone said was impossible.

A strange mix of exhaustion and adrenaline makes me almost giddy. I want to scream my victory. I feel the butterflies’ magic heating my skin. I try to peek, but it hurts when I open my eyes. I feel hands grabbing mine as if my brother and Costin are both trying to keep me nearby.

Everything tingles. Pure energy flows throughmy veins. I feel like I could turn my entire body into a fireball and hurl it into the nearest obstacle. I feel like I could take on the world. Or, at the very least, a dragon.

The heady sensation doesn’t last long, and the magical fire around me begins to die. When I slowly open my eyes, I see we are all three back in the subway station. Cool air hits my face as a breeze comes from the tunnel over the platform. The spiral entrance that had been on the wall is gone, replaced by chipped tile and the clinging residual of a long torn poster.

I’m happy to be out of the labyrinth, but the gravity of the experience still lingers. I’ve admitted the truth to myself—finally let Paul go—but that doesn’t erase the ache in my heart. There is no hiding the truth or taking the words back. Costin knows about Paul.

The vampire’s eyes avoid meeting mine as he gazes into the distance from the platform. Until recently, I believed I couldn’t inflict harm upon him because vampires were incapable of experiencing hurt. Now, I realize I was mistaken.

Anthony is quiet beside me, his expression torn as he processes everything he’s learned about Conrad. I don’t know what to say to him to make things better. I wish he never had to learn the truth. I wish he could just mourn the brother we lost andmove on. I don’t know what to say to him. I can’t make any of that better.

I go to stand beside Costin. His presence grounds me in a way I can’t explain. He looks as beat up as I feel.

“I can’t believe…” Anthony starts, his voice trailing off as he glances at me, his eyes full of questions he already has the answers to. Whatever he is going to say dies in his throat.

“I’m sorry.” I don’t know who I’m apologizing to. So much has been said already.

For the time being, I’m content to stand and say nothing. The labyrinth is over. It has left me emotionally and physically drained. I take a deep breath and then another. I try to force the tension out of my body. It won’t leave me.

Something heavy, almost suffocating, presses down on my senses. The air feels wrong. Suddenly, the subway platform vibrates beneath our feet. It is just a slight tremor at first, and I look at the tracks, expecting another ghost train.

“Did you feel that?” Anthony asks, his voice barely a whisper. He comes to stand beside us.

---