Page 119 of Nearly Dead

“Help yourself to the snacks,” I call after her.

Alone with Paul, I feel the weight of our complicated history.I think of the timeline that was erased from when we were together, and the memories given back to us.I think of the dangers I’ve brought into his life, and the impossibility of what might have been.

“Anthony mentioned you’re heading to Kansas City,” I prompt quietly.I know his parents live there.They’re good people.

He nods.“It’s a fresh start, away from all of this.My business has gone under since I’ve been,” he gestures vaguely, encompassing the supernatural world that’s become my home, “away.Your brother and Sully have arranged protection for all of us.Discreet, he promised.”

“He’s good to his word,” I assure him.“The pack will make sure you’re both safe.”

“And what about you?”he asks.“Will you be safe?”

After everything, his concern still touches me more than I expected.He still cares.

“I’m learning,” I tell him honestly.“Every day gets a little easier.And I have people watching my back.”

“The vampire,” he says, as if not quite able to say Costin’s name.

“Among others.”I don’t elaborate.Paul doesn’t need to know about council politics or my newfound abilities.The less he knows, the safer he’ll be.

He runs a hand through his hair, a familiar gesture that once made my heart race.Now it’s just a memory, bittersweet but fading.

“I wanted to hate him,” Paul admits.“For taking you away.For changing you.But when I saw how he fought to save you that night in the graveyard...”He shakes his head.“He loves you.I can’t hate him for that.”

“Thank you,” I say softly.“That means more than you know to hear you say that.”

“We had something real, didn’t we?”he asks.“In that other timeline.Before everything reset.When you were human, we were real.”

I nod, throat tight with emotion.I thought he could be my future, but he was just my waystation.“We did.It was beautiful, Paul.But it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Because of what you are.”

“Because of what I’ve always been,” I correct gently.“This was always my path.I just didn’t see it.Even when I was human, I was never fully part of your world.I just didn’t want to admit it.I wanted to be normal so badly.”

Diana returns, proudly displaying a drawing of what appears to be a wolf standing next to a figure with fangs.

I take the picture, genuinely touched.“Thank you, sweetheart.It’s perfect.I’ll keep it forever.”

And I mean it literally.Long after Diana has grown old and forgotten this night, I’ll remember the little girl who saw the monster in me and called it cool.The idea of it makes tears fill my eyes.I don’t like the thought of losing her.

“We should go,” Paul says, checking his watch.He goes to retrieve her backpack.“Our flight leaves early tomorrow.I need to sign some papers with the realtor selling our house and do some packing.”

I walk them to the door, knowing this is truly goodbye.Not just for now, but likely forever.It’s better this way, safer for them, cleaner for all of us.But it still aches.

I kneel to hug Diana.“Have so much fun with your grandparents, and be good for your dad, okay?And remember, if the amulet ever gets warm, listen to it.Go close to your dad.It can protect you and him.”

“Will you come visit us?”she asks.

“We’ll see,” Paul says.“Let’s get settled first.”

“If you ever need me, I’ll be there,” I promise her.

“Come on, sweetie.”Paul nudges her to come with him.

She nods solemnly, then surprises me with a kiss on the cheek.“Bye, Tamara!”

Paul hesitates, then hugs me too, a brief embrace that carries the weight of what might have been in another life.

“Be happy,” he whispers.

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