Page 17 of Nearly Dead

I need to?—

“Tamara!”

Costin’s horrified voice cuts through the red haze.I look up, still gripping a lifeless body in my hand while straddling what’s left of the goblin leader.I open my mouth, and another goblin falls to the ground.It crawls away from me.The other goblins lucky enough to have escaped my wrath have vanished back into their shadows, leaving me alone with my massacre.

Costin stands in the doorway, Anthony and Astrid beside him.The horror on their faces brings me crashing back to reality.

I release the goblin in my hand and slowly stand.I look down to find my hands covered in black blood, chunks of flesh cling to my nails.My silk robe is shredded and soaked.I can feel goblin blood cooling on my face and sticking to my hair.

“I...”My entire body shakes.

The bitter taste in my mouth gags me.I don’t want to move.

“They attacked me,” I try to explain, more to myself than to them.I step toward Costin.“They were trying to?—”

“Don’t move,” Costin says, but his voice isn’t steady either.He takes a step toward me, hands raised like he’s approaching a wild animal.Which I suppose he is.

My breathing is ragged.“Costin, I?—”

“She’s lost control,” Anthony whispers.“We need to chain her again.”

“No!”I stumble backward, leaving bloody footprints on the carpet.“I’m fine.I’m in control now.I was protecting myself.I don’t want to hurt anything.”

Astrid moves next to Costin and touches his shoulder.If she says something, I can’t hear it.

Even as I say it, I feel the monster inside me stirring, wanting more.I look at the horror on the floor.It’s not just the carpet.It’s splattered on the walls and staining my skin.

The violence has awakened something that won’t easily be put back to sleep.

“This isn’t me,” I say, wishing I could make it true.I stare at Costin, begging him to stop this.“Please, this isn’t me…”

“Tamara.”Costin takes another careful step closer.He doesn’t seem to be listening as he stares at my face.

I catch my reflection in the polished metal of a shield on his wall.Black blood covers my distorted features.I lean closer to look at the monster I’ve become.My eyes are a swirling mix of vampire red and werewolf gold, and there’s nothing human left in me at all.

I see movement coming at me but before I can turn I feel a sharp jab in my arm.I try to fight it off, but Costin holds me tight.I look down to see a spent syringe sticking out of my arm.I fall limp.

“I’m sorry, Tamara,” Costin whispers as he catches me against him.“Forgive me for what I’ve done to you.I never meant for you to become this.”

I wonder if this is what Elizabeth felt when she was first turned by her husband, this overwhelming urge to destroy.Is that why she attacked her brother and turned him?Why she’s so desperate to harness more power?Is this why she is like she is?Is it why Costin has been so ready to forgive her, because he knows what we become?

Maybe that’s what we all become in the end.Monsters.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers.“So sorry…”

I can’t answer him as I fall into oblivion, hoping I never wake back up.

ChapterFive

Dammit.

I’m awake.Darkness recedes, giving way to unwanted consciousness.There isn’t even a moment of feeling like I’m normal.I know I’m a monster, and this is my hell.

I’m back in the guest room, on the same bed, with the same thick bands of metal shackling my wrists and ankles.My throat is raw, like I’ve been screaming for hours, though I don’t remember making a sound.

I remember blood.

I remember death.

---