Page 27 of Nearly Dead

I see her point.I don’t think it matters.A tomb is a tomb.

The dress Astrid brought me is the color of burgundy wine.In the shadows, it looks black until a thread of dancing light hits it just right to reveal the deep undertones.It reminds me of dried blood.Maybe if I make a mess massacring some creature, the material will hide the stains better.

I wish that were a joke.

The fabric feels like cool liquid against my legs as it falls to the floor.Long slits move up the sides, and I can only imagine they’re for freedom of movement in case I need to fight.It seems silly.If my body shifts, I’ll tear the material.The bodice looks elegant but feels like it’s reinforced with steel panels.Armor beneath elegance or an attempt to keep me from changing forms?

“The council will be looking for any sign of weakness,” Astrid says as she pats my hair.She’s tamed the curls back into a slick style.I think it makes my cheekbones look sharp and my eyes even more feral.In my opinion, the heavy-handed makeup doesn’t help.

Her own attire is equally formal.She wears a slate gray suit with silver threads that catches the light like tiny knife blades.I see blue threads of magic twirling over her fingers before she reaches into her pocket.She pulls out a silver pendant and places it around my neck.The metal burns slightly against my skin, and I automatically reach to pull it off.

“Leave it,” Astrid orders, producing one of her syringes.She grabs my arm and unceremoniously injects me with it.“The magic will help regulate your wolf side.They will be watching for any hint that you can’t control yourself.”

I think I might be better off if they had left me chained.I flex my wrists.The shackles are gone, but I can still feel their phantom weight.My skin has healed completely, leaving no trace of the marks they’d made.Another reminder of what I’ve become.

“They want to see what you are.”Astrid’s ice-blue eyes meet mine.I’ve never noticed the depth of that color until now.It’s like looking at the walls of a snow cave.“Show them strength, not savagery.Remember, you are a Devine.You can control this.You are more than the forces inside you.”

She seems so confident in me.I don’t know why.She’s never expressed this level of surety when I was human.The odds of my disappointing her feel greater now.

The shot Astrid gave me forces my mind to become clearer than it’s been in a while.I feel the fog lift.

Three days have passed in a blur since Conrad’s ghost appeared in my room.Three days since Costin went to the council about Leviathan.Three days of blood and meat brought on silver trays, of servants who won’t meet my eyes, of staring at shadows and waiting for them to speak again.

Three days.No news.No contact.Just shadows and silence.

Three days of cycling between madness and sanity.

Three days of trying to claw Costin’s clothes off him whenever he comes to my gilded prison room.

The last one causes my lip to twitch up in the corner.

“Have you spoken to Lorelai?What about Paul and Diana?”The questions fall out before I can stop them.“I tried to ask earlier, but you didn’t answer me.Are they safe?Does Lorelai know what’s happened to me?”

A flicker of something crosses Astrid’s face.Annoyance, perhaps?She probably doesn’t think I should be thinking of my human birth mother and my mortal friends at a time like this.“We’ll discuss it later.You’re getting emotional.You need control, Tamara.”

“Please.I must know,” I beg.

“Lorelai is kept informed through appropriate channels,” she says, her tone clipped.“She’s been calling daily but bringing her here to see you is unsafe.We have not told her where you are.It would be best if she went back to California.As for Paul and his child, they are under constant protection.The girl’s connection to Draakmar makes her valuable, and thus a target.”

That’s not what I want to hear.I gave my amulet to Diana to keep her safe.The child must be terrified after everything that’s happened.

“Are they…?”I feel the hybrid inside me stirring at my agitation.I don’t know what I’m asking, or if I can handle the answer.Happy?Safe?Mad at me?Do they hate me?“Are they well?”

“The child is resilient.”Astrid’s expression softens slightly.“But yes, they are well.We’ve moved them to a secure location outside the city.Your, uh,friendPaul was reluctant, but he understood the necessity once the situation was explained.”

I wonder what explanation they gave him.Sorry, but Tamara’s turned into a bloodthirsty monster who might eat your daughter if she gets too close?

Guilt eats at me.I also wonder if they gave him a choice before they moved them.I doubt it.Supernaturals aren’t an ask-for-permission type of crowd.Paul and Diana’s lives would have been so much better if they’d never met me.No matter how I’ve tried to fix it, that fact never changes.Out of all my regrets, that one stings the worst.

I feel tears threatening.The monster inside me doesn’t like the emotion, and it starts to push itself to the surface as if it can protect me from the pain.

“What happens if I lose it in front of the council?”I ask, changing the subject.

“Then we’ll all pay the price.”She hands me a small vial filled with dark liquid that seems to absorb rather than reflect the light.“Drink this.It will help keep the wolf calm for a few hours.”

I take the vial, rolling it between my fingers.The glass is warm, as if the liquid inside generates its own heat.Magic around my neck, a shot, and now a vial.I worry it won’t be enough.“And the vampire?”

“That’s up to you.”She steps back, giving me a final assessment.“You are not a mortal anymore, Tamara.Don’t act like one.Don’t think like one.”

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