Page 40 of Nearly Dead

I frown at the idea of my mortal, bohemian birth mother being interrogated by the ancient wizard.Part of me wishes Astrid had never told me about the woman.I lived nearly twenty-eight years not knowing I had a human birth mother.Then Lorelai would be safe in California, and I’d be blissfully ignorant.

“She’s been calling daily since your transformation.”Astrid’s voice is carefully neutral.“Lorelai may have given you up as a baby, but she never stopped being your mother.”

The statement hangs between us, loaded with unspoken complications.Astrid raised me, but Lorelai birthed me.Both women have a claim to the title of “mother,” and neither seems entirely comfortable with the arrangement that there are two of them.

“What about Paul and Diana?”I ask.“Did you ask Zephronis?Can I see them?”

“Drink,” Astrid orders, as if holding the answer hostage.

I down the blood in three long gulps, feeling the immediate rush as it hits my system.The suppression potion follows, bitter and burning all the way down.The combination makes me light-headed for a moment, before settling into a strange clarity.

“Better?”Astrid asks, watching me closely.

“Clearer,” I admit.But not better.Never better.

I glance toward the window and flex my hand.All it would take is a three-minute walk in the sun.

She sighs, collecting the empty containers.“Zephronis believes Lorelai may have insights about the goblin attacks from your infancy that could help understand why they’re targeting you now.Costin told us what Conrad said, but it doesn’t make sense that Leviathan would use them to attack you as a baby.Necromancers are lesser magics.They have their place, and it’s not at the top of any hierarchy.Leviathan knows that.Conrad, however, is a known troublemaker.He can’t be trusted.”

“I already know why they targeted me as a baby,” I say, standing and moving to my closet.“Lorelai told me.They were trying to steal my breath as some kind of test or something.”

“They tried to kill you,” Astrid corrects.“Stealing breath was their means.But there may be more to it, especially now that you’re changed.”Astrid hesitates at the door.“Costin will be here this evening.He wanted to be present for this, but council business required his attention.”

I nod, pretending I don’t feel the pang of disappointment.The sire bond makes his absence physically uncomfortable, like an internal itch I can’t scratch.Even with the suppression potion, I’m constantly aware of our connection, the invisible tether that pulls me toward him.I could find him anywhere in the world without being told where to look.

“Vampire or not, you’re lucky to have him, Tamara,” Astrid says.“Not every man would be willing to go up against the elders for you.Especially not an elder from your vampire line.Vasilisa is not pleased with his refusal to turn you over to her, but Costin does have rights as your sire.Vasilisa doesn’t usually leave her home.For her to be in the United States means you’ve piqued her interest.”

That’s high praise coming from Astrid.

Also, it’s somewhat terrifying to think that Vasilisa wants me as some kind of new pet.

What’s that saying?I’m not going to borrow trouble.I’ll deal with that if it happens.There is too much else needing my attention.

“Wait.What about Paul and Diana?”I insist when she starts to pull the door shut.

“We had to move them before we brought you here.It’s best if you don’t know how to find them.I sent them away with most of the servants.You’re dangerous enough without tempting you with snacks,” she says.“But yes, we’re bringing them back if they agree to come.”

She doesn’t like the idea, but Draakmar’s amulet protects Diana.She’ll be safe around me.As long as Paul is with her, she can keep him safe.

My future is uncertain.I don’t know what is coming, but I want a chance to say goodbye to them.And I’m sorry.

“I’ll be down in ten minutes,” I tell her.

After Astrid leaves, I pull out a sweater and jeans from the closet.No point dressing up for this reunion.Lorelai has seen me at my worst already.No amount of glamor and lip gloss will cover the monster.

I dress quickly and move to the mirror.The reflection that stares back is both familiar and foreign, like an AI filter gone wrong.It’s my face, but with subtle changes.My eyes seem more intense, my cheekbones sharper from the weight loss.My skin has an almost luminous quality.I look predatory.Even at rest, there’s something lurking beneath the surface, waiting to emerge.

I turn away from the mirror and head downstairs.The wooden floor creaks under my feet.I don’t remember the sound being so loud.Or maybe the house is too quiet.The protected wing feels abandoned, even though I know it’s warded with spells for my safety.

The pulled curtains block the sun, but through the hall lights, I see dust motes dancing in the air.I glance toward Conrad’s old room.My memory stirs with an image of him sneaking toward his bedroom with a stolen book from the family library tucked under his arm.It hasn’t even been a year since his death, but so much has changed that it feels like an eternity since I thought of him as an ally.

I worry that Conrad’s ghost will appear, summoned from my thoughts, so instead I focus on the runner under my feet.The rug is ancient, but it doesn’t show the faded tracks of everyone who walked over it.

I breathe deeply, steeling myself, before heading toward the main staircase, following the scent of coffee and incense.The smell brings back memories of my first meeting with Lorelai, when I discovered her living in California.

My senses are on high alert.Everything is vivid and in sharp focus.The foyer sprawls below me, and the chandelier catches a thread of light, throwing fractured rainbows onto the polished marble floor.The stairs themselves curve elegantly, like a dramatic stage entrance.I grip the railing, feeling the smooth, cold wood under my palm.I’ve taken these stairs a thousand times,tens of thousands, but something about them today feels different.The house seems to be holding its breath.

Which is nonsense because houses don’t breathe.

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