Page 6 of Nearly Dead

Shame burns through me.I wanted to tear him apart without thinking of the consequences.

“Calm yourself,” Anthony states, his tone strained.The magic around his fingers brightens.“I can see you spiraling.Your eyes are changing.”

I force myself to take deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth.The meditation technique helps a little.

“There you go,” Anthony encourages.“Stay with me, Tam.”

“Astrid?”I ask.

As if to answer, the door opens, and Lady Astrid sweeps in.She appears composed as ever in a sleek black pantsuit.Nothing in her expression betrays that she witnessed me transform into a beast.

“What’s happening to me?”I ask.

She cautiously approaches the bed, though her face remains composed.I remember being irrationally angry when I attacked her, like beyond what I normally feel at my lowest emotional points.

“We’re not entirely sure,” she answers.There is some comfort in her familiar calm.I used to think her distant and cold but have come to learn she’s pragmatic out of necessity.Without her the entire Devine empire would have crumbled decades ago.“The combination of werewolf venom and vampire blood is unpredictable.”

“Unpredictable?”I laugh, and it sounds more like a growl.“Fucking hell!Why are you fucking sugarcoating things?It must be fucking bad.”

“Yes, I’m sugarcoating it to keep you calm,” she answers.“And there is no need to cuss.You’re still a Devine.I expect you to hold yourself to that standard.”

“Sorry if my vocabulary doesn’t meet your standards whileI’m chained to the fucking bed!” I jerk violently against the restraints, hearing the metal creak.

Anthony’s hands glow brighter with protective magic.Astrid doesn’t flinch, but she takes a step back.

“The restraints are necessary.”She studies me.“Until you can control yourself.”

“Control myself?”I want to fight.If they won’t let me throw punches then at least I can yell.“Look at me!I’m a science experiment gone wrong.”

Something shifts inside me, a strange resonance that directs my attention to the door.I feel Costin before he enters.

He moves with a slight stiffness.His neck scabbed where I tore into him as if he’s struggling to heal.That isn’t right.He’s a master vampire and should recover faster than this.I must have really done a number on him.

Gods, what if I had killed him?

His eyes meet mine, and something electric passes between us.It’s a pull so magnetic I feel a physical reaction.

“What is that?”I whisper, my anger momentarily receding as this new sensation washes over me.

“The sire bond,” Costin approaches quietly.“It’s part of the transition.It should have happened before now, but…”

Of course there’s a bond.Nothing about me gets to be mine anymore.

“Sire bond?”The words seem strange to say.“Like what you have with Elizabeth?”

His face tightens at the mention of his sister.She’s the vampire who turned him centuries ago as an act of revenge.That bond has kept him tethered to her for hundreds of years, fueled by his guilt over choices he made as a human in the medieval period.

“Similar, but not the same,” he says, approaching the bed like I’m a wild animal he’s trying to tame.To a degree that control is working.“Every bond is different.”

“So I’m cosmically linked to you?Forced to feel this...”The chains rattle as I strain against them.This time I’m not trying to escape but needing some physical outlet for the storm inside me.“This pull to obey you?”

“It doesn’t have to be like that with us.”Costin reaches for my hand.His fingers brush mine, and the contact sends a jolt through my system.It’s comfort and rage and need and resentment all at once.

I try to jerk away from him, but my movement is limited.I don’t want him looking at me.I feel my body is transformed and can only imagine what I look like.My face doesn’t feel right, and I saw the furry patches on my arms.“You promised.”

I’m a monster.

Pain flashes across his face.“You were dying, Tamara.Thane’s bite was killing you.”

---