Page 61 of Nearly Dead

“No one is asked!”a voice shouts.

“This life chooses us!”another adds.

I feel their irritation.

“Boo-hoo I didn’t pick this,” Rhea taunts.“She whines like a little bitch.”

They’re laughing at me now.

Fuck.It pisses me off, but she’s right.I do have a tendency to be all poor me and feel sorry for myself.

Also, fuck Rhea.

“Thane’s blood runs in my veins now,” I shout, “alongside vampire blood and my own human heritage.I am what I am.I’m something new, something that hasn’t existed before.”

Murmurs ripple through the crowd, but I press on.

“Some of you think that makes me special.That it makes me your destined leader.”I shake my head.“It doesn’t.”

I could tell them that I’m still learning what I am, still finding balance between the different parts of myself.Or that I can barely lead my own life right now, let alone a pack.All of those things will sound weak.There is only one language wolves seem to understand.Strength.

“I will not compete for Alpha.I will not lead you.”My voice grows stronger with conviction.The hopeful faces begin to fall.I feel a pang of regret but push through it.“But I will stand with you.I will fight alongside you if needed.I will honor the wolf blood in me, even as I honor the other parts.”

Silence follows my declaration.I can feel the disappointment from some, the relief in others.Sully watches me with an unreadable expression.

“So that’s it?”James calls out, his distorted mouth twisting in a sneer.“You just walk away from responsibility?From your potential place in our world?”

“I’m not walking away,” I counter.“I’m choosing my own path.Just as each of you should choose yours.”

“Pretty words,” Rhea scoffs.“But it changes nothing.We still need an Alpha before the full moon.”

“Then choose one,” I say simply.“Choose the one who understands you best, who can lead you through whatever challenges lie ahead.That’s not me and pretending otherwise would only hurt the pack in the long run.”

“Coward!”a woman yells.

“Liar!”another adds.“This is a trick!”

Sully steps forward, commanding attention.“The trials will proceed as planned.Those who wish to compete for Alpha will face each other in tests of strength, cunning, and leadership.The strongest will emerge to lead the pack through the coming moon and beyond.”

“And what of the hybrid?”someone calls from the scaffolding above.“Where does she stand if not with us?”

Did I not just say I’d stand up for them?I try to hide my growing annoyance.They’re like talking to a drunk who doesn’t want it to be last call.Nothing I say seems to get through their addled brains.My emotions are only making the wolf in me edgy.

I meet Sully’s gaze briefly before addressing the crowd.“I stand as what I am, not fully wolf, not fully vampire, but something of both.I won’t pretend to be something I’m not just to fulfill your expectations or prophecies.”

“You abandon us,” a young female accuses, her voice breaking with emotion.She doesn’t look old enough to be here but then looks can be deceiving in the supernatural world.

The warehouse erupts in discussion, some angry, some thoughtful.

“I’m freeing you to find a leader who truly knows what you need,” I try to tell them, but no one is listening.I don’t bother to add that I’m freeing myself from expectations that were never mine to begin with.

Sully raises his hand, and gradually the noise subsides.

“The trials begin,” he announces, leaping into the arena.“Challengers, step forward.”

A wolf leaps into the circle to face Sully with a snarl.His actions prompt several werewolves to move into the arena.James stands aggressive and eager.Rhea is confident and calculating.Three others I don’t recognize, each carrying themselves with the surety of born leaders.

I step back, staying on the outer edge of the circle.This isn’t my fight.

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