Page 96 of Nearly Dead

I consider lying, telling him what he wants to hear.But what would be the point?

“I’m changing,” I admit.“The power is changing me.Hollowing me out.”

He reaches for me, his hand cool against my cheek.“Tamara?—”

“Don’t.”I step back, not wanting his touch to cloud my thoughts.“I need to understand what’s happening to me.”

“I know what’s happening,” he says quietly.“I’ve seen it before.When a vampire first turns, there’s often a period of emotional detachment.It’s the mind’s way of processing the transformation.But this is different.More extreme.”

“Because I’m not just a vampire,” I finish for him.“I’m something else entirely.”

A monster.

A freak.

A hybrid.

Call it what you want.

I move to the window, looking out at the city below.My vision zooms in on them.People scurry along the sidewalks, going about their mortal lives, unaware of the supernatural dramas unfolding around them.I used to be one of them.Now I can barely remember what it felt like.

“I reached out to Sully for alliance against Elizabeth and Mortimer,” he says.

I nod.

“He’s coming tonight,” Costin continues.“He asked how you were doing after the crypt.”

This is Costin’s newest way of bringing the subject up.He’s tried several times.

“I told you that, when I was in the crypt and Conrad’s spirit was freed along with all the others that Leviathan had trapped, some of their power transferred to me.”I touch the window, tracing a distant building.“But it’s not just the telekinesis.There is something else that’s colder.I don’t know what it is.There’s no way to know who or what Leviathan was storing in the crypt.Spirits?Energy?Curses?Whatever it was, it changed me.Maybe I absorbed nothing.Maybe I absorbed everything.”

Costin is careful not to touch me again.“Do you think it was necromantic energy?Death magic is known to dull emotions.Cold like the grave.”

I study his face.“You’re afraid I’m becoming like Elizabeth.”

His expression tells me I’ve hit the mark.He blames himself for his sister.Just as he blames himself for me.

“I’m not,” I assure him, though I’m not entirely convinced myself.“I just need to find balance again.I need to understand all the supernatural parts.”

“Let me help you.”This time when he reaches for me, I don’t pull away.His hands frame my face, and I feel the sire bond between us pulse with something warm and alive.I feel his love for me.“Remember what it feels like to be connected.”

His lips find mine.They start gentle but then become more insistent.I respond mechanically at first, but then a flicker of the passion we once shared stirs within me.My nerve endings fire after being numb for too long.The kiss sharpens.His fangs cut into my lip, so I bite him back.The coppery taste of him hits my bloodstream like fire.Blood flavors our mouths, and suddenly I remember how much I need him.No, how much I crave him.His growl vibrates through both our chests, and the bond between us tightens.I grasp at the feeling, wanting the warmth, needing our connection.

I push Costin back against the wall.My strength matches his now.He hits with a dull thud, and I’m on him before he can move.I pin him with my hips.The impact sends a picture frame clattering to the floor.His fingers dig into my ass as he pulls me tighter.Claws rip through all barriers until we’re naked.There’s nothing soft about the way we come together, not the way he touches me, not the way I take it.We’re past tenderness.

He grins into the kiss, and I realize we’re straddling the line between power and intimacy.My hybrid instincts roar that I need to dominate, consume, take.But underneath it, there’s still me.Still us.

I urgently explore his body, not just for physical release but for emotional resurrection.His skin is cool, yet his touch melts the ice inside me.I rock my hips against him.The pressure builds.The pleasure is too fast, too much.It threatens to undo me.

My hands tremble as I drag my fingers over the hard lines of his chest, down his ribs, needing to memorize the realness of him.His body responds before his mouth does.Muscles contract under my palms.A low sound escapes him, vibrating against my throat.I roll my hips in invitation.

Costin pulls me tighter.My fangs graze his throat.I don’t bite, but I feel the flutter of his pulse beneath the skin.He tilts his head, offering his throat, daring me.I drag my tongue along the artery instead.

It’s more temptation than I can resist.I clamp my mouth on his throat and drink.

When we come together, it’s fierce and primal.It’s not the violence of our early encounters, but a desperate search for humanity in each other’s arms.When I sink down onto him, we move like we’re made for this.Foreach other.His hands are on my hips, my nails drag down his chest.For a brief, reckless moment, as pleasure crests and breaks over us both, I can feel everything I’ve been missing.Love, fear, hope, despair, it all rushes back in a tidal wave of sensation.

A cry rips out of me, raw and unfiltered, as magic sparks beneath my skin.The violence of it makes me feel alive.My orgasm tears through me like I’ve been struck by lightning.My body arches against his, chasing every last flicker of sensation until I collapse into him, wrecked and finally awake.

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