Page 40 of Behind the Bench

“Am I good?” Poke. “Blondie?” Poke. “No,Lincoln.” Poke. Poke. “I amnotgood!For the record, if I can’t call you Link, you sure as shit can’t call me Blondie. I’m not some sixteen-year-old girl you can tease and push around anymore. It’s Ellie. Or rather, it’sCoach. That is what you said, isn't it?” Poke.

I’m positive I’m going to have a bruise in the center of my chest from all the aggressive poking. I’m also thinking that’s a rhetorical question so I keep my stupid mouth shut for once.

“And since when do you give a shit about me, Lincoln?” Ellie throws her hands in the air and resumes her pacing.

“I find you having a panic attack on the ice and you literallytell me to fuck off. But now that some dickhead takes shots at me during a press conference, you’re all of a sudden so concerned about my well-being?” Ellie pauses her movements. “Oh! And how about the hero complex back there? I didn’t need rescuing. I was handling it. Pick a side. Do you hate me or not? It can’t be both.”

Stupidly, I assume her rant is over, and start to respond. “Ellie, I?—”

She points her finger at me. “No! You don’t get to talk yet.” She continues her pacing, and she’s about to give me whiplash with how fast she is moving back and forth across the room.

I allow her the time to rant about Roger Park and the press conference. She has some rather explicit opinions about the man that I don’t disagree with. She also makes sure to point out my multiple personalities and how I should never interrupt her again. But with each cuss word and insult, she seems to be getting more and more worked up.

This is exactly the opposite of what I was trying to do when I walked in here.

Ellie’s voice keeps getting louder and louder. “What the fuck do I have to do to prove to people that I deserve to be here?Damn it!” she yells, and before I can even react she’s knocking everything off the table at the far side of the room.

In three quick strides, I’m across the room. She’s so distraught, her hands are in her hair and if I didn’t know any better, she’s two seconds away from pulling it out.

“Ellie.” I say her name two more times but she’s lost in her anger.

I need to calm her down. Before I can talk myself out of it, I’m in front of her and my hands are on her cheeks. “Ellie. Look at me.”

She closes her eyes tightly, but after a second she opens them, and my heart shatters.

Her eyes are full of unshed tears and her shaky hands come to cover mine on her face.

It’s at this moment I decide that Ellie is no longer my enemy. Because I’d move heaven and earth to never see her like this again.

“Breathe for me, Coach,” I say as I demonstrate some deep breaths.

She begins deep breathing with me and I can see her body relax in front of me.

“Good. That’s good, Ellie. Can you do a couple more for me?”

She slowly nods, and it’s on her third deep breath that the dam breaks. Those unshed tears are flowing down her face, and I do the only thing I can think of.

I wipe away her tears with my thumb, pull her hard into my chest, and hold on for dear life.

I don’t know how long we stand like that, holding onto each other like our lives depend on it. It could be minutes, hours, or days for all I know. The only thing I know for certain is I won’t be the first to let go.

Ellie finally breaks her hold on me and takes a step back. I feel the loss in my bones and fight the urge to pull her back into me.

She swipes at her face and looks up at me sheepishly. “Sorry.” It’s barely above a whisper and it’s clear she’s embarrassed by what just happened.

“You don’t have to apologize. Are you feeling any better?”

Ellie crouches to start cleaning up the mess she made of the table and avoids eye contact as we talk. “Yeah, a little bit. Thanks for calming me down. I’ve had someanger issues in the past that I thought I had a handle on. Clearly, I was wrong.” Her voice is shaky and her hands tremble as she continues to stack papers.

I keep a safe distance to let her sort through her thoughts, and move toward the water dispenser we have next to our lockers. Once I’ve filled a cup of water for her, I turn to see she’s just about finished straightening up the room.

“You’re allowed to have a moment. You’re human. Here, take this.” I offer her the cup of water and she reluctantly takes it from my hand. “Anyone would’ve lost their cool in that situation. And I didn’t help matters by butting in. Give yourself a break.”

Ellie seems to relax the tiniest bit and pulls the cup to her lips. I can’t keep my eyes off her as she takes a long drink. I watch her throat move as she finishes the water and stuff my hands in my pockets before doing something stupid like pulling her to me and kissing her senseless.

I take a seat in one of the empty chairs and Ellie follows suit by taking the seat next to me. I can’t help but notice a look of embarrassment on her face as she stares at the floor.

That won’t do.

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