Page 61 of Behind the Bench

He rubs his hand along his jaw, looking ready to devour me again. I’m silently begging for him to pick me up and take me against the wall. To my disappointment he turns and walks over to his stall and takes a seat.

We both untie our skates, the air both electric and smelling of sex. It’s not awkward, but it’s full of questions and tension.

Where do we go from here? Was it a one-time thing? He must want more because he said he wants our first time to be in bed. Was he just saying that in the heat of the moment?

The questions keep flying through my mind as I take skates off and hang them in my stall. I sit back down and put my Nikes on. As soon as I’m done tying my shoes, I look up to find Lincoln staring at me.

“What?” I ask. Afraid he’s about to tell me that was one big mistake.

“I’m just wondering when we can do that again,” he says, surprising me.

Fixing my hair, because it’s kind of a mess after being pulled, I stand up and make my way toward him. My body wants to be closer to him and it’ll hear no arguments from me.

I sit down in Hunter’s stall, which is right next to Lincoln’s, and turn to face him. I bring my legs up so I’m sitting cross-legged and I ask the burning question. “What are we doing, Lincoln?”

He runs his hand through his hair, and I track the movement because there’s just something about it that is so damn alluring.

“I don’t know, Ellie. Having fun?” he asks with uncertainty in his voice.

I consider what he says for a moment and then I consider the conversation I just had with Sadie. I do deserve some fun,and I definitely could benefit from some blowing off some steam.

“I like fun,” I say. “But there’s gotta be some ground rules. We work together and I’d rather not have the team know we’re sleeping together.”

Lincoln turns and brings one leg up in front of him so we’re face to face now. At least he’s taking this as seriously as I am.

“I agree. I don’t really want Hunter knowing, but I also don’t think this is something we can keep from him. Also, as fun as this was, and as attractive as you are in skates, we have to keep this out of the rink. It’s too risky.”

He took the words right out of my mouth. “Agreed. Sadie will know as soon as I walk through the door and she’ll probably text Hunter right away since they’re BFFs now.”

Lincoln laughs. It’s a sound I want to record and put on loop when I’m having a bad day. “Yeah, they’re like attached at the hip now. Think somethings going on there?” he asks.

I shake my head. “No, they’re too much alike. It’s actually scary how similar they are. They’re like twins separated at birth or something.”

We both laugh at that, and then Lincoln stands to grab his coat. “Okay, then it’s settled. Nothing changes here at the rink but we’re free to have fun outside of the rink. Deal?”

I stand and stick my hand out like an idiot. “Deal.”

Lincoln chuckles. He spares me the embarrassment and grabs my hand to shake it. Instead of letting go, he pulls me into him and cups the back of my head. “One more for the road,” he says before leaning down and kissing me again. My body slowly sinks back into his as I return his kiss with a tenderness that has me questioning everything I’ve ever felt for this man.

The handle to the locker room door rattles and we both hear it at the same time. We break apart fast and I start walking to my stall to grab my coat. Lincoln grabs my ass andI swat his hand away, giving him a death glare over my shoulder.

Just as I’m zipping up my jacket, Hunter falls through the door. He rights himself, brushing off his jacket and that’s when he notices both me and Lincoln staring at him. He looks between both of us, suspicion clear on his face. And then he sniffs.

“What the fuck is that smell?”

After Hunter walked in and nearly caught us in the act the other day, he wouldn’t let us leave the locker room until we told him the truth. I don’t know how he and Sadie seem to know everything, but it’s fucking weird and annoying.

All three of us sat down and talked. Hunter had some concerns, rightfully so, about this interfering with the team’s success. He also doesn’t want us to somehow come out of this hating each other even more than we did before. But, his excitement was clearly visible. Ellie and I both reassured him that we’re adults and if he ever notices it affecting our work or the team, he’s free to call us out and we will end it right then and there.

The funny thing is, I don’t think I could ever hate Ellie again. I’m not sure I ever really hated her to begin with. I hated the idea and the image of her I had made up inside my mind, thanks to my father’s abuse. My therapist has helped me work through some of these revelations, and during our tele-therapy session yesterday he seemed happy to hear about this development between me and Ellie. Of course, time ran out before I could ask him about the suspicious smile on his face, but I’ll be sure to bring it up at our session in two weeks.

I close my laptop and lean back on the uncomfortable hotel couch I find myself on. We’re on the road again for games, this time on the West Coast. Tonight we play against San Francisco and then we’ll be heading to Arizona. The team is still firing on all cylinders, having only lost one game in the past two weeks. I’ve been sitting here way too long and need to get my body moving.

I’m replaying the conversation with my therapist as I make my way down to the workout room in the hotel. He gave me some techniques to use whenever I feel myself getting triggered by an old memory. Hopefully one of them will work so I don’t revert to old behaviors like I did on the ice last week.

And now I’m thinking about being on my knees, tasting her again. My god, I am craving a taste of her sweetness. It’s all I can think about when I’m alone in my hotel room. My poor hand needs a break.

I wish my therapist would’ve given me some techniques on how to keep my hands to myself because Ellie is in the room right next to mine. I’ve imagined knocking her door down and having my way with her more times than I’d like to admit.

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