Page 76 of The Love Syllabus

Chapter 20

Excuses – Kerry

“It’s a damn shame I had to unfollow that Krista Ray bitch,” Serena grumbles, scrolling through her phone with a sigh. “That hoe sure does post the best ten-minute recipe videos. Is she still giving you hell? Do we need to jump her, or nah?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Oh, Serena! If we weren’t in our thirties, and I wasn’t trying to get my career back on track, the answer would behell yeah. But no,” I sigh, propping my feet up on the ottoman. “Besides, I can’t get mad over a man who isn’t really mine.”

My best friends and I are sprawled across my living room, wine glasses half-full as they help me finalize last-minute details for the annual Fall Festival. It’s been the perfect distraction from Vic—from the way he looks at me, from the way he treats me, from the way my heart wants him in ways it shouldn’t.

“He’s as much your man as Hudson is Serena’s,” Kiera points out, shooting Serena a knowing look.

Izzy sits up straighter, eyes wide in shock. “Hold the hell up. Have I been so busy that I missed the tea? Rena, you’re out here hitting home runs while Kerry hasn’t even made it to second base?”

Serena cackles, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Girl, I’ve been to the World Series… dozens of times. Hudson Grimes can’t get enough of me!”

They erupt into laughter, but I groan and sink deeper into the couch. “You gotta teach me your ways because this is embarrassing. I shouldn’t be this inexperienced at thirty-five.” I pause, exhaling sharply. “I shouldn’t be so damn scared to hit a home run.”

Their laughter fades, humor replaced with quiet understanding.

I swallow hard and continue. “I have so much pent-up sexual frustration combined with actual, real, scary feelings for him. It’s driving me insane, and I don’t know what to do. I just can’t fake what feels real anymore.”

“You fuck it out, that’s what you do.” Serena shrugs.

We all explode into laughter, but my chest tightens. “Y’all know how I feel about sex,” I murmur, fiddling with the hem of my shirt. “I had nearly fifteen years of bad sex—painful, sadistic, one-sided sex. I can’t go down that road again.”

Kiera reaches over and gently squeezes my hand. “What we know is that you think you can live without it because when you had it, it was that torturous. But when you have someone who actually cares about how you feel? Who worships you? Who puts you first?” She exhales dramatically, fanning herself. “Whew, girl. Not only will you not be able to live without it, you’ll want it all the time.”

“Preach!” Serena cheers, raising her wine glass.

“Testify,” Izzy adds with a nod.

“Vic adores you, Kerry, and everyone knows it. Let that man dick you down, girl.”

“Serena! Oh my God!” I grab a pen and chuck it at her.

“I said what I said.”

I wish I could take her advice. I wish I could kiss Vic every day, tell him how I really feel, and make love—actual love—because that’s what’s in my heart.

But then what? What happens next?

We’re already past our expiration date. This was only supposed to be a fake summer fling, but now we’re deep into October with no end in sight. And the longer I play this game, the more confused I become, and every time I try to discuss a break-up timeline, Vic deflects.

“Oh, I’ve added another event to the schedule.”

“But I need you with me at the restaurant opening.”

“But my show hasn’t even started yet.”

Show starts…“Let’s wait ‘til the end of the season. We’re a hit.”

And I admit, wearea hit. The town is back on my side. My follower count skyrocketed from 800 to 45,000. And Cory? He’s been M.I.A. for months. No texts. No threats. No surprise visits.

Even Krista suddenly backed down after feeding into the love triangle madness for a few days. I don’t know what prompted it—maybe her new secret boyfriend or maybe Vic’s warning to the network. Either way, she made a full public apology, claiming she wasconfused by reality.

But none of that matters because nothing can make me want to keep up this charade. Because the more we fake it, the more my heart believes it. The touches, the appearances, the time we spend together, the compliments, and how deep I’m falling for him just feels all too real.

After the girls leave, I settle into the silence, allowing myself to fantasize over Vic and how good I can only imagine he’d make me feel.

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