Page 87 of The Love Syllabus

And Kerry… she’s softer somehow. Not weak. Never that. But lighter. Like she’s no longer bracing herself for a fight she doesn’t need to have. Like she’s starting to believe that happiness isn’t something she has to earn. That peace doesn’t always come with a cost.

I know Kerry isn’t ready for a real relationship. I don’t even think she wants one, so I’ll continue to keep my growing feelings for her at bay. But if keeping up this charade is the only way to keep her in my life, then I’ll do it. Becausethis,whatever this is, feels real, and I’d be a fool to ever let this go.

Chapter 23

Lovesick Lunatic – Kerry

Ifeel completely exposed. Stripped bare in a way that has nothing to do with my body and everything to do with my heart, my past, my pain. Without meaning to, without even realizing it, I’ve given Vic pieces of me that no one has ever held before—pieces I spent years hiding, locking away so deep that even I had forgotten they existed. And yet, in his hands, they feel safe. Secure. Cherished.

It’s a stark contrast, an undeniable shift from the world I knew with Cory—where love was a battlefield and where pain was the price of affection. But with Vic? It’s different. It’s steady. It’s grounding. I like this version of love better. Maybe even more than that… maybe I want it.

Dr. Watkins sits across from me in the armchair at my parents’ home while I pace the living room during my weekly Saturday therapy. Ishouldsit. Ishouldtry to relax. But Ican’t.I can’t because so much is happening in my life, and it’s all a bit too much.

So, I frantically tell himeverything.

About Cory. About finally having a fighting chance to take him down. About the possibility of being vindicated for all the pain he put me through. But I also express my fear—that just like before, my hope will be smothered and money and power will be used against me, crushing any hope of justice.

Then, I talk about Vic. About how this fake relationship was supposed to be easy, but now it isn’t. About how I don’t know if his feelings for me are real, if mine are real, or if I even deserve to have these feelings at all.

“I mean, is it even okay for me to date?” I ask, shaking my head as my voice rises with frustration. “It’s been years. And Cory was the only real relationship I’ve ever had. What if I’m just clinging to Vic because he’s safe? Because he treats me better than I’ve ever been treated? What if I’m confusing safety for love?”

Dr. Watkins folds his hands, nodding thoughtfully. “Kerry, have you ever heard the phrase ‘just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s wrong’?”

I blink, unsure where he’s going with this. “Yeah…”

“What you had with Cory was wrong. It was unhealthy. It was abusive. So, of course, what you have with Vic feels different. Of course, it feels strange, even scary. You’re not used to being treated well. You’re not used to being wanted for the right reasons. But that doesn’t mean it’s not real.” He pauses.“Andit definitely doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

My throat tightens, and my hands curl into my lap.

“But what if it’s just for—”

“Safety? Comfort? Convenience?” Dr. Watkins tilts his head, his voice gentle but firm. “Love should make you feel safe. Love should give you comfort. Loveshouldgive you the convenience of being yourself without fear. Love should be a refuge, a place where you are seen, heard, and cherished exactly as you are. Let me ask you this, when you think of Vic, see him with his daughters, hear his voice, when you’re in his space… do you feel love?”

The question hits me so hard that I nearly stop breathing. Because I know the answer.

Dr. Watkins smiles knowingly. “See? Your heart already knows the truth. The real question is, are you going to let your fears dictate your future happiness?”

I look away, my voice small. “I don’t want to, but what if I get hurt?”

“Then, at least you got to love. At least you got to experience something good. Something healthy. Don’t let fear make choices for you, Kerry.”

After my therapy session, I feel more confident about my feelings, and I’m ready to accept something different, something healthy, something right.

So, I decide to text Vic. No more second-guessing. No more pushing my feelings aside. It’s time to put myself first—my wants, my desires, my happiness. A love for myself. And maybe… a love with him.

Vic, we need to talk. I can’t fake this anymore.

I hit send. And then I wait. And wait.

And an hour later, my phone finally rings, and relief floods through me. But when I glance at the screen, my stomach sinks. It’s not Vic. It’s Vicky.

I groan, answering. “Hi, Vicky. I’m off on weekends. What’s up?”

She sighs so hard into the phone I swear I feel the breeze. “It’s Vic.”

I sit up, immediately on edge. “What happened?”

“The producers called him in for a reshoot, and he lost his damn mind. We’re at the studio, and he’s beingbeyonddifficult. Won’t cooperate, won’t listen, won’t even let Krista do her job. And he refuses to smile on camera. He’s miserable, Kerry.”

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