I nodded. “I hate it. But there’s relief in it? And now I’m naked in front of a stranger ten years younger than me, having a breakdown. If anyone knew about this?—”
“Pepper. Stop.” He dragged me close, his arms wrapping around me. I wasn’t sure what he was going to do to me, but then he just…
He just hugged me.
Salt was hugging me.
Tears burned as I slowly pressed my face against his chest.
“You need someone who will make you forget about all of that,” he murmured. “Someone with a firm hand, hmm? Someone who won’t judge you for whatever you want to try.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
His fingers massaged the back of my head, working magic. A shiver rolled through me and I leaned into him. My spiral was winding down, but then a wave of guilt followed for ruining the night.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I ruined this.”
“No, you didn’t. Do you feel like you’re falling off a ledge and have no idea if you’ll survive hitting the bottom?”
“Yes,” I croaked.
“That’s called sub drop. Which is why I wanted to make sure I was ready with some sort of aftercare.”
“Oh.”
“It’s normal, Pepper.”
Normal. For some reason, that helped. Maybe it was knowing that I wasn’t completely flawed or broken. He kept massaging my head, drawing out a groan from me. “You know a lot about this stuff,” I mumbled.
“I do. Which is why I think we should get some water and relax.”
I frowned and looked up at him. “But don’t you want more?”
“Of course I do,” he snorted. “But for now, we’re going to take a shower and I’m going to massage your shoulders.”
My lips formed a pout. I wanted him to fuck me. “I don’t want this to end, though.”
“It doesn’t have to,” he whispered. “But we do need to take a break for now.”
A flash of disappointment came first, followed by a flood of emotions, all of them tied up in the hidden, ugly insecurities I kept from the rest of the world. But he saw them. And that horrified me.
Protect yourself. Protect.The cool, intellectual part of me took over, smothering everything else. “This is just a one night stand,” I said.
Helaughed. “Yeah.” His hands slid down my body, cupping my ass. “We’ll see.”
I yelped as I was suddenly lifted, his muscles hard against me as he held me like a bride.
“Oh my god,” I hissed. “You’re insane.”
“I can be. Where’s the shower?”
I shook my head at him, but pointed at a doorway on the other side of my bedroom. He carried me across the room, flipped on the light, and let out a low whistle.
“Music industry pays well.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I saw my bathroom through new eyes. I was used to the luxuries I’d afforded myself. This bathroom was literally the reason why I’d wanted this apartment in the first place. Jeff could keep the house in Green Hills—it didn’t have the deep soaking tub or the gorgeous shower or the pristine counters or countless mirrors. Black-and-gray marbled tiles swept up from the floors and climbed the walls, a rack holding my silk robe and a stack of fluffy towels.
“I’ve been lucky,” I said. “I didn’t have anything like this growing up.”