Page 51 of Mine

“Twelve years,” I whispered to myself.

He was twelve years younger than me. I shouldn’t have anything to do with a twenty-five year old man, no matter how amazing he was in bed.

But I’d been missing out.

Married to Jeff for fifteen years, and he’d never made me come the way Salt had. It didn’t help that I’d been raised in a conservative Christian cult who taught me everything sexual was sinful. I’d gone into that marriage without ever having slept with anyone before. I’d never been able to explore that part of me. And when Jeff and I were married, every time I tried to try something new, I was shut down.

The shame I felt around my desire made my insides freeze. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. It made me think about all the times my mother had chided me if I wasn’t dressed perfectly or if I asked too many questions.

I’d done so much work around trying to heal from my childhood, but I’d never be perfect.

Fuck, it was so stupid. It was so, so stupid. A hard, bitter shell formed around my memories of my childhood, and every day I was glad I left. But I also wished that I could have saved my relationship with my parents. With my mom.

I glanced at the calendar on my fridge and took another swig of wine.

Her death day was coming up.

I needed to cancel any plans that came up the day before or after it. It’d been years since she died, but the guilt and pain and sadness that swallowed me whole during those days meant I wouldn’t get out of bed for anything but to visit her grave and grab food orders from my doorstep.

Jeff used to give me such a hard time about it. He didn’t at first, of course. But over the years, her death was something thatannoyedhim.

Mygriefwas annoying.

Why did I ever allow myself to be with someone who treated me that way?

And why wouldn’t I pursue the type of sex I’d experienced on Friday night? With someone who wanted me forwhateverreason?

As if I’d summoned him, my phone chimed on the counter. I stared for a moment and then reached forward. He was video calling.

“Shit,” I whispered.

My finger pressed the button before I let my logic get in the way.

Salt’s unbearably handsome face appeared on my phone. His dark hair was tousled and he was clearly shirtless. Just like in his damn videos online. Inked vines crawled up his throat, disappearing around his neck.

“Are you in bed?” I blurted out.

He grinned. “Yeah. And you’re in your kitchen.”

I decided to take another sip from my wine bottle, my body tensing as I expected him to chide me. Instead his smile grew broader.

“Next time I’m over, I’ll lick that off your body.”

I choked and dropped the phone on the counter before I spit all over it. His soft laugh followed as I coughed over my sink, cursing him. “God damn it,” I grunted.

Well, I’d failed at being sexy. My ego was dead to the entire world.

“Baby, come back,” he sang. “You can blame it all on me…”

I put the wine back in the fridge, done with it after that, and picked up my phone again. “You’re a nuisance. Also, that song is almost fifty years old. I’m shocked you even know it.”

“Well, I do have good taste in music,” he said. “At least, that’s what I’ve been told.”

“Hmm.” I smiled as I carried the phone to my bedroom. “I don’t know why you wanted to see me. You can have anyone you want. All the women who were at the bar on Friday would have thrown themselves at your feet.”

“I don’t want just anyone. I want you.”

“You’re like a puppy,” I muttered.

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