Page 10 of Better as It

“She’s with me now,” he mutters with his shoulders rolled back. I’ll give him credit. He isn’t avoiding my gaze. He’s got half a sack anyway.

“I know. What I need you to know is don’t take that shit for granted. That woman in your bed, she’s everything. She’s the whole motherfuckin’ package.”

He shakes his head. “I know what I got. You’re the one who didn’t see what he had while he had it. Don’t come for mine, Toon.”

I throw my hands up in surrender. “I know what I gave up and why. I’m just here to tell you man to man, I’ll always love her. I’ll always belong to her. She needs me, I’m gonna be there. Even fuckin’ you, she’s still got love for me whether you admit that to yourself or not. What we share it doesn’t go away. But I’m man enough to know I’m not good enough for her. You got your shit locked down safe. You got no baggage. Got no baby momma’s, hell no exes, good credit, money in the bank, and no blood damning your soul to Hell.”

He raises his hand interrupting me. “You fuckin’ looked into me?”

I nod and smirk. “Sure did.”

“Brother,” he says the word in disdain, “get you got history with Dia. Not gonna take that away. She’s told me who you are to her, both then and now. But I’m off limits to you. I’ll respect you got past times with her. That’s all you get. You had her first, but Toon, I’m gonna have her last and always.”

“Good,” I tell him and he steps back in shock blinking wildly at me. “I want you to love her always and until the end of her days. Just know I’m gonna be in the shadows loving her from afar. I won’t come around. I won’t even be anything more than a memory to her. Unless you cross a line. If she sheds one tear over you, I’m comin’ for you. I’m comin’ to hold her up until she’s good without you. But for your safety I hope you love her right with every breath you got. She deserves nothing less than that.”

Before he can say another word I walk away. I said what needed to be shared. He knows where I stand.

The way BW and Tripp, hell everyone, spoke of him, Dia was his world.

She deserved that. I wanted that for her.

Inside I hate him … I hate him for being what I couldn’t.

I respect him too.

He gave her everything I wouldn’t.

And now he’s gone.

She’s alone.

How can she wrap her head and heart around it when I can’t even make sense of it.

After an hour of catch up, I head back to the short term rental I got in Cedar Point. It’s an old park model camper, set up on the canal. It’s got a nice lot, quiet. I kick off my boots before sitting on the edge of the mattress. It feels weird to be back in this town, but not uncomfortable. In fact, the weight that sits on my chest somehow feels lighter while the pain in my head feels heavier if that can even be possible.

I decided not to stay at one of the crashpads on the compound because I don’t want to see Dia until I’m ready. There was a chance of running into her, I don’t want to be caught off guard.

Stripping down, I climb in bed. Staring at the ceiling, sleep refuses to come. My mind thinks of her, just a few miles away, probably unable to sleep. Her heart is aching for a completely different reason than mine and I can’t do anything to fix this for her.

Even if everyone thinks I can help I don’t see how anything I can do eases this at all. Her name spins over and over in my head.

I pick up my phone.

I look over old pictures of us together. Teasing myself, I go to my contacts.

Her name with a red heart beside it, exactly the way she programmed it in forever ago taunts me. Millions of times, Ithought about deleting it. Even told myself to get a new phone number, but I didn’t just in case she needed me.

I hit the call button.

It rings twice.

The click comes I look at the screen as the call connects.

Silence.

Then the call ends.

She hung up on me.

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