Page 4 of Better as It

The one that got away.

The untouchable treasure.

Forbidden fruit.

The sweetest thing I’ve ever held in my life and yes, I walked away. Yes, BW knows what I shared with Dia. After the night it got too heavy, I called a meeting with BW and Tripp. Man to man I laid it out. Then I explained I was walking away and transferred here. No one, not even Little Foot knows the conversation I had with BW and Tripp. It’s not anyone’s business.

I signal to Jeanne, the bartender, “Johnnie Walker neat.”

She gives me a nod and gets to it. The glass is in front of me as BW approaches. I’m halfway through tossing it back as I feel him squeeze my shoulder. I down the whole thing letting the burn hit me the entire way down.

I turn to look at him as his mouth pulls into a half-smile. The cocky grin that tells everyone he owns any damn room he walks into. We’re all built like this to some degree. BW was practically born oozing confidence.

“What’s with the shaggy hair, brother?” he says shoving me a bit.

I smile, “gives the barflies something to grab when I’m eating that snatch.”

We both laugh as he gives a nod to Jeanne, “Crown and coke,” he orders as Little Foot gets off his stool making room for BW beside me. I give her a nod for another drink.

“Lookin’ tired, man,” he tells me what I already know. “Bein’ away from the coast, it’s aging you, man.”

“Fucker.” I tap the bar waiting for another whiskey. I’m exhausted and really don’t have the energy for him, but he’s here, so he gets my time and respect. “What brought you inland?”

Everything shifts. Casual goes away and in its place is worry. He lets out a slow breath, shifting to rest his elbows on the bar. His posture is tense as he rests his head in his hands.

“What is it?” I ask losing the little buzz I had started. For him to stand here in front of me of all people, knowing what he knows, there is only one reason for him to change. My gut churns. “Is Dia okay?”

He shakes his head. The one woman who can turn my world upside down and he’s here for me… but for what?

“Spit it out, you road hours here, for what?”

“Dia needs you.”

One sentence and it all crashes around me. The woman I left behind. It’s taken me years to get okay with walking away. And I can’t actually say I’m okay, but I am surviving without her. There was a time I considered giving it all up for her.

But the man I am, the things I’ve seen and done, they taint her.

I won’t do that ever again.

I put the distance between us. I have stayed away. Avoiding the annual barbecues, taking runs that keep me away if she’s coming here to visit family. I do anything and everything to make sure nothing about me ever touches her again.

His sentence brings back every feeling. The passion, the desire, love, and the pain.

I pick up the fresh drink in front of me. “She needs anyone but me.”

His eyes grow dark. “You know that’s bullshit. It’s always been you.”

I know it.

She knows it.

But it’s far too complicated to work.

“Young love. BW, we talked this shit out before I left. I came clean with you, with Tripp. I put it all out there. I fucked up. I touched something sacred. I took the punishment. I walked away. She’s got something good going with Clutch.”

Yeah, I know she moved on. He is a good dude from what I can tell. No blood on his hands, the hands that hold her close and comfort her. Nothing ugly touches her.

He gives me the stare, the one that says he isn’t hearing a word I’m saying. “Nothing young or old defines what she’s got with you, Toon. I know that shit. Told you that back then too. You’re too stubborn to see, we all saw it and accepted it. Only you wouldn’t. No one punished you, this shit you did to yourself. Even my old man was good with it. We let you have that play because yeah, my sister deserves better than a fuckin’ Hellion.”

---