Page 11 of Confessions of Pain

Wide blue eyes watched me pace up and down the alley, muttering one curse word after another. He would blink slowly, bite his bottom lip, and frown. Other than that, nothing else was coming out of his mouth. I guess that was a good thing. The poor dumb kid had absolutely no filter between his brain and those pouty lips.

“You shouldn’t curse like that. It isn’t very nice.” His sing-song voice interrupted my stomping, cursing alley exhibition.

For a split second, I was torn between laughing out loud at his ridiculous reprimand or running for my life. I watched, mouth hanging wide open, as he placed fragile hands on his even more delicate hip bones and frowned at me. I rarely laughed. It just wasn’t my thing. A smile split across my face and laughter bubbled right out.

I should have run for my life.

It was one of those decisions in life that people looked back on, wondering how their lives would have turned out differently if they’d just followed their instincts. For one thing, there was a damned good chance I wouldn’t have ended up homeless and selling my body for food. My home life was crap, with parents that knew very little about parenting, and there was never enough food to satisfy a young teenage boy, but it had still been home. It had been all I had ever known. Maybe if I had listened to my instincts, I wouldn’t be a twenty-seven-year-old man with a chip on my shoulder the size of the rock of Gibraltar. I probably wouldn’t have joined the military which meant I wouldn’t possess an uncanny ability to kill people…with thirty-seven kills under my belt. War is the devil’s mistress and killing people is a stone cold bitch. I’d loved the comradery I’d shared with the other men in my platoon, but I hadn’t loved another damned thing about it.

Of course, if I’d run away that day, I would have never met Ethan, Jeremiah, and Titus, the magical ropes that kept me held together when all I wanted to do was fall apart.

I would also never have known the love I’d felt for Kelsey.

It hadn’t just been love, at least not on my end. I’d been fifteen years old that day when he’d approached me on the sidewalk, and he’d been fourteen. Whatever the hell it was that we shared had started out as friendship, but we’d both known that it would eventually lead to something so much more. Hell, we’d anticipated it with each passing day, him begging me from the very beginning, but me refusing to do any touching until he was sixteen.

I’d loved everything about Kelsey. His beauty. His innocence. His smile.

We’d spend hours talking about nothing…talking about everything. At first, it had been innocent boyhood shit. Who could run faster? Who could throw a rock farther? Nonsense, really. I’d always won at everything, and his sweet angelic smile never once waivered when I’d kicked his ass at every damned thing we’d tried. It was as if he’d expected to lose…no, he’d expected me to win. I’d thought it was some kind of hero worship at the time. Now, knowing how our futures turned out, I didn’t know what the hell it had been.

Theotherfeelings we had for each other were always lingering right below the surface.

I was the more mature since I had that whole eight months of wisdom on him, so I’d diligently tried to make wise decisions for both of us. He hadn’t made it easy on me. That and teenage hormones, but we hadn’t done more than some kissing and semi-heavy petting until he celebrated his sixteenth birthday.

A hard knock at my hotel door yanked me from traveling down yet another memory lane that would undoubtedly leave me feeling empty, lonely, sad, and angry. Dreading what was about to happen but knowing it needed to take place, I heaved up off the bed, checked to make sure tears weren’t streaming down my face, and then headed to the door. When I pulled it open, I was surprised to see only Titus on the other side. Where were Ethan and Jeremiah?

“Hey, Gabe,” Titus said with a brighter smile than was necessary or called for considering the horror show I’d plunked us all right in the middle of. “Grab your shit and let’s get out of here.”

Grab my shit? I wasn’t a woman, I didn’t have a pocketbook or whatever else that shit was they always had to have with them no matter where they were going or what they were doing when they got there. “Uh…yeah, my wallet is in my back pocket and my cell is on my belt. I’m good to go, man. Where are we meeting the other guys?”

“No, grab your luggage, dumbass. We’re getting out of this dump. No way am I laying my body on one of these beds. Hurry your ass up. I’m tired and excited to finally check out the place I’ve got lined up for us.”

I turned to yank up my suitcase. Other than dragging the ridiculous suit off my body and putting on some comfortable jeans and a T-shirt, I hadn’t bothered with any unpacking. Since the expensive suit was stuffed back into the case, I was good to go. When I turned back around, he was still standing in the doorway, a huge frown on his face. Titus was fucking beautiful…even frowning.

“What?”

“Where is your suit? I distinctly remember you wearing a very nice Tom Ford suit this morning when you boarded the plane. I picked it out. I called in a favor to have it fitted perfectly to your body. Hours were spent selecting just the right color and cut, and I don’t even want to think about how long it took me to pick out the perfect tie.” He crossed his arms over his lean chest. “Where, dear God in Heaven, is that suit, Gabriel?”

I was honestly afraid to answer the question. Yes, Titus was the smallest of all of us, almost dainty, in fact. He was also the scariest. You did not mess with his computers or his fashion. Nosiree, one did not. At least not if they wanted to live very long. I was in some serious shit. My lips tightened together, silently pleading the Fifth Amendment.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” he growled. “You are an idiot, Gabe. A total idiot. Do you have any idea how long it will take to get those wrinkles out of that suit?”

I didn’t plan on ever wearing it again. Out of the four of us, Titus was the only one who enjoyed dressing to impress. “No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me,” I grumbled as we both stepped out of the smelly hotel room.

“Stop it with the smartass-ery, Gabe. From the undertones I picked up from Ethan, you are barely attractive right now without adding the whole smartass thing.” He looked up and smiled at me as insulting me washisfavorite thing. “He wouldn’t tell us everything but said you acted like a total motherfucking ass.”

“That about sums it up,” I said as we tromped down the hall toward the elevator. “Hey, where are we going? There isn’t another hotel in Trenton Falls.”

His nose crinkled up like he’d smelled a fresh fart. “No, there isn’t. This place is…backwoods, Gabe. How did you stand growing up here? What did you do for fun? I looked on the internet, and there’s not a gay bar within fifty miles of this place. How did you manage?”

I pushed the button to the elevator. “I was seventeen, Titus.”

“I know, I was just messing with you. I’ve got us a place in the next county over. From the pictures I’ve seen, it’s over-the-top gorgeous. I can’t wait to see it in person.”

As we rode down the elevator, I couldn’t help but think how disappointed Titus was going to be. I’d been to the next county over and unless things had changed drastically over the past ten years, there was nothing over-the-top gorgeous there either.

Thirty minutes later, I was whistling through my teeth as I stood smack-ass in the center of the living room of our temporary digs. Titus had been correct; the place was breathtaking. It was once a Catholic church and somebody recently converted it into a living space large enough to house three or four families comfortably. Just from where I stood, I could see it had about everything to create the perfect bachelor pad for like, maybe, the future King of England before he’d gotten married. Giant chandeliers, over-sized leather furniture, massive fireplace, in-ground hot tub over in the corner, giant television, pool table…and I hadn’t even looked past the first room.

“What the fuck? Why would anybody create something so totally cool in place so totally uncool? This place is solid.”

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