Page 12 of Confessions of Pain

Ethan and Jeremiah lay on the couch together, all snuggled up like they’d been apart for two weeks instead of a few hours. Jeremiah’s yappy dogs were running around the tile floor with the same enthusiastic craziness they demonstrated at home. Why in the hell anybody thought they needed seven dogs was beyond my comprehension. Didn’t matter, Jeremiah wanted them, so Jeremiah got them. It was how Ethan rolled.

“It’s nice, yeah?” Titus commented as he breezed past me and plunked down on one of the oversized leather chairs. “I knew it would be. It’s so much better than that flea motel you booked us into.” His nose crinkled again. Turning to Jeremiah, he said, “I’m starved. Did you guys get the pizzas ordered?”

“Yep.”

His eyes flew back to me. “Don’t just stand there, Gabriel. Take a load off. I hear you have something to share with us.” He patted the space next to him on the chair. “Come on, don’t be afraid. We don’t bite.” His eyes cut back to the couch. “Well, some of us don’t bite. Ethan’s been known to on occasion.”

Why was he so damned chipper? He had to know my heart was wide open and bleeding a fucking river and on top of that shit, he’d helped me waste my entire life’s savings. Well, most of it. It didn’t seem fair that he was enjoying my downfall quite as much as he was.

I meandered over to where they were and plopped down onto a chair that looked like a Santa throne of some sort. It was surprisingly comfortable.

“Get serious, Titus. This isn’t funny or fun and games. Gabe’s got serious problems.” Ethan scowled in Titus’s direction, clearly having a difficult time understanding his mood, as well.

“Fine,” Titus muttered.

Not at all what I expected from one of my best friends. Not. At. All.

Ethan sent me a silent apology. Titus was his younger brother but that didn’t keep him from wanting to throttle the high-strung man more often than not. Titus was…different. Eccentric. Book smart but socially challenged. Business genius but couldn’t set up a Facebook account if his life depended on it. He said he was gay but we’d never seen him with a man before. Never seen him with a woman, either for that matter.

“You sure this is something you want to give us, Gabe? Because you know that once you’ve shared this part of your life with us, there’s no taking it back. Your battles will be our battles. There’s nothing we want more than to help ease your suffering by shouldering some of the shit ourselves, but we don’t want you to feel like it’s something you have to do.”

“Nah, it’s something I should have told you guys a long time ago.” I took a deep breath. “I was…was ashamed. I didn’t want any of you to look at me different.” I sure the hell looked at myself differently after it happened.

“Not gonna happen, brother,” Titus said, instantly donning his serious persona. “You’re one of us. We don’t turn on our own. We stand tall next to you.”

“I was charged with rape.” The words gushed out of my mouth, apparently using the Band-Aid method of revealing my sordid past. I waited for the looks of disgust and horror to pass their faces, but they never came. They looked confused. “Rape,” I clarified, as if maybe they hadn’t heard me correctly. “I was accused of it. Raping someone.”

“Yeah, we get that,” Ethan answered. “We know what rape means, which means we know you weren’t guilty.”

Just like that, they believed me. Accepted me. Never questioned my guilt or innocence. They justknewI was innocent. I wondered why the fuck had I waited so long.

“The rape accusation? That’s why you ran from this shit town?” Jeremiah asked softly. Jeremiah could kill a man more ways than Paula Deen could use butter, but the man had the softest heart of anybody I’d ever known. Soft heart. Soft voice. Hard muscles. He was a perfect match for Ethan.

“That would be it,” I answered. “I hit the road. I decided that living on the streets beat the shit out of this place, so I took off. Left Trenton Falls and made my way to Atlanta.” I laughed in disgust. “You know? Cause that’s where all the homeless people lived in my teenaged mind.”

“Shit, Gabe. How old were you?” Jeremiah asked.

I could tell he was picturing every horror story imaginable in his head and, unfortunately, he was probably dead on. I hated them to know what I’d done to survive, but the secrets had to go. I was up shit creek with my latest deal, and if I expected them to help me turn water into wine, then I needed to be totally upfront and honest with them.

“Seventeen.”

“Shit!” Ethan hissed, alongside Jeremiah’s, “Oh, man.”

Titus was being unusually quiet considering the heaviness of the conversation.

“What the hell did you do to survive?” Ethan asked between gritted teeth and then held up his hand to stop me from answering. “No, that shit is yours. Whenever you’re ready, you can make it ours, too. I’m not going to push and pry.” Jeremiah stroked his wrist, letting him know he approved of his lover’s thoughtfulness.

I wantedthat. I wanted it so damned bad. Problem was, I still wanted it with Kelsey. What the hell was wrong with me?

Ethan’s eyes darkened. “Damn, and I took up for him after the meeting and told you not to be so harsh on him. I guess it’s safe to assume it was that cute little poodle that made that shit up? He’s the reason you lived on the streets, in the fucking cold and without food!”

I felt something strange invade my mind, a fierce protectiveness that I shouldn’t feel. Apparently, I thought it was okay for me to hate Kelsey with every ounce of my being, but I sure the fuck didn’t like anybody talking shit about him…even my best friend. What the fuck was that about?

“What’s done is done,” I dodged. “I should have let it go. There wasn’t one damned good reason for me to come back here.” My fingers tangled in my hair and I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling a migraine knocking at my door. “Like you said, he was a kid when it happened. Kids do stupid shit for absolutely no reason. It’s history.” I turned and looked at Titus, the brilliant businessman of our group. “Now I just need to figure out a way to make a hasty exit without leaving myself homeless again. Any hopes of that happening, Titus? Could I, like, break the company apart and sell pieces to somebody?” I’d heard about that shit on television, or a movie, or who the hell knew. I didn’t know a damned thing about business, and I had even less desire to learn a damned thing about it.

“Nuh uh. Can’t do it. He’s going down,” Ethan said in a dangerously low voice. He was pissed. “I wish I’d fucking made him get on his knees for you, now. Would have served the lying son of a bitch right.”

“Stop!” The word bellowed out of my mouth and surprised me even more than it had Ethan. “Just…stop.” I dragged in a deep breath, hating the way my head was so confused about Kelsey. I should hate him. I shouldn’t care if Ethan suddenly wanted to destroy him. I should be rubbing my hands together in glee as we sorted out a plan to hurt him even more than I already had. Instead of that, though, I felt my protective instincts kick in. Fuck.

---