Page 6 of Confessions of Pain

That was a lie. Lies, lies, lies. Had anything he’d said ever been the truth? Even right now, after everything that had happened, I found myself wanting to believe him. My heart wanted to believe what that look in his eyes was saying.

“Take care of the company,” he said, not meeting my eyes. “You’ve got good people working for you, and they deserve good leadership.”

He didn’t have the Louis Vuitton briefcase his brothers had toted out of the meeting. Hell, from best I could tell, he didn’t even have a cell phone with him. He couldn’t have looked more opposite than his family. They’d been wearing expensive suits that had been tailored perfectly for their muscular builds. His khaki pants and white button-up looked like Old Navy, if that. Regardless of the expense or lack of tailoring, his looked much better than the shit his brothers had been wearing. Or maybe it was just him.

I let him make it to the door before I said, “I’m closing the company, Kelsey. They haven’t had good leadership in the past, so they shouldn’t be surprised when they don’t get it in the present. Think on that when you are sitting pretty in your comfy home tonight. All thesegoodpeople are out of a job because ofyouand your family.”

The whispered curse word I heard from Ethan didn’t surprise me. Not exactly. Though I’d never heard him say a curse word when he was younger. I’d known he would be angry with my decision, though. The fact that I’d just tossed away nearly five million dollars wouldn’t even be on his radar. The fact that I was about to put about one hundred and twenty-five people out of work seemed to be the thing that pissed him off beyond words, but then my behavior was the very thing he fought against on a daily basis. What did surprise me, however, was the fact that Kelsey stopped when he heard my words and then closed the conference room door, secluding the three of us inside the room. Ah, perfect. Apparently, he wanted to try and change my mind about kicking his ass to the curb.

Good. Let him try.

“What did you say?” he asked after turning around to face me again. “Tell me you didn’t just say you were going to close the doors.”

“It sounds like you understood me just fine, Kels,” I mocked, using the nickname I’d used when we were teenagers.

“Why?” He was frowning and one hand started twisting at the leather bracelets again. “Why would you buy a company and then shut the doors? Are you planning on selling to another buyer? How long will that take? Most of these people live from paycheck to paycheck, Gabriel. Even a few weeks without work could cause some of them to lose everything they’ve got.”

The fact that I hadn’t really considered that innocent folks would suffer because of Kelsey’s lies made me pause. My main objective,my only focus, had been ensuring Kelsey and his family paid the ultimate price for destroying my life. Sure, I guess in some part of my mind, I’d known all the Morganston employees would lose their jobs, but when I’d been making my plans, I hadn’t put faces or families with those nameless people. I’d been too focused on my revenge against the Morganston clan.

“Maybe you and your brothers should have thought about that before you raped the company until it was beyond repair,” I countered in frustration and anger. “Over the last three years, the four of you have stolen every dime of profit old man Morganston built up in the company and when that was gone, you leveraged every piece of equipment, property, and cube of cheese against loans that went directly into your personal funds instead of benefiting the company. When was the last fucking time any of your employees got a raise, Kelsey? Do you even know?” I snorted out a disgusted laugh. “No, I doubt you do. They haven’t gotten a raise since your daddy died three years ago, Kels. Nothing. Every damned dime has gone straight out the door to fund lavish lifestyles. Day after day, week after week, and year after year, this has happened, but now you want to worry about the employees? Maybe you should have started fucking worrying before today! Don’t stand there, looking all self-righteous and blaming me for this shitshow. You and your family got Morganston Textiles where it is today. I only took advantage of your stupidity and greed.”

Kelsey closed his eyes for several brief seconds and when he opened them, I was once again forced to face the fact that I wasn’t completely over him yet. The pain that I saw there nearly crippled me. I wanted to jump across the table and tell him I would make everything all right if he just wouldn’t look that way anymore. Even as a teenager, I’d wanted to be his knight in shining armor, which was really ridiculous since I’d been just about as poor as humanly possible. I guess that urge hadn’t completely vanished just because he’d proven he wasn’t worth saving, and yet…

Of course, there wouldn’t be any leaping across the table to rescue him. I was the cause of his pain and it wasn’t a mistake on my part. I’d calculated, planned, and methodically set actions into place that would lead to this particular confrontation. I would never hold him again and listen to his whispers of love and devotion. He’d made me, a boy from the wrong side of the tracks, feel like I was worth something, like I had a chance to drag myself out of the hell I’d been born into and become someone worthy of him. Our relationship had been topsy-turvy from the beginning. He’d placed me on a pedestal and pretended to worship me when we’d both known it should have been the other way around.

Well, those days were behind us. Either he’d been lying from the beginning or he had finally woken up and realized I wasn’t worthy of him. One colossal lie and years to wallow in the aftermath of that betrayal led to rage being the only emotion drifting between us and apparently that emotion was reserved solely for me. He just stood there, breaking my heart all over again.

“Okay, I get it,” he said. “Hurting me and my family appears to be the ultimate goal with this buy-out. I see that now. What I’m not understanding is why you would be willing to hurt all these other people just to hurt me.” His pale blue eyes tried to dig into my soul. “That isn’t you, Gabriel. You don’t sacrifice innocent people just so you can hurt others. You have to remember what it was like in this town. There aren’t many jobs available, and, in an area this small, kicking one hundred and twenty-seven people out of a job will devastate them. Devastate this town. Don’t do this, Gabriel. Please don’t hurt them just to hurt me.”

His voice still sounded perfect, husky, but not too much, just enough. Like rich honey slowly dripping over my body, enclosing me in the sticky sweetness that I’d once believed was pure goodness. His eyes still looked innocent and haunted. His lips were still kissable. His hair was still the perfect length for tugging on and still soft enough to resemble fine silk. It was longer, curlier. When we’d been younger, he’d fought a losing battle to try and keep those wayward curls under control. I may have teased him about them, but I’d fucking loved each and every curl. I could still remember how they felt wound around my fingertip as we’d lain under the stars, sharing dreams of the future. I’d told him how I was going to run away from this stupid town and never look back. I was going to make something of myself—be something better than the father and mother who spawned me. There were times when I’d fancied myself being an impressive businessman like Kelsey’s dad. People would nod their heads in respect when I walked by. Other times, I’d pictured myself as a rock star, performing on stage in front of screaming crowds, though my eyes would only see Kelsey.

Not that I could sing or play an instrument. Shit like that didn’t matter when you’re a dumb kid and dreaming of your future. Maybe I’d be a sports star, making millions by throwing a ball. Other times, I’d be something creative like an artist. Never one time had I ever mentioned me being a soldier—a man trained to take the lives of others and then walk away and be expected to never give them another thought. That was the one dream that never passed through my mind, but it was the reality I ended up living.

Kelsey had lain next to me, staring at me while I stared at the stars above us, and listened to all my crazy dreams. Not one time had he laughed at my silly thoughts. Being smart, he’d found the right words to make my aspirations seem within reach, even when we’d both known they weren’t. Kelsey had never shared his hopes and dreams with me. He’d never told me he wanted to be an astronaut or a chef or even a fucking pie-taster. He had certainlyneveracted like he wanted to follow in the footsteps of his father and run the local textile plant. But whenever I told him about my plans to leave town, his response had always been the same.

Just please don’t leave without me.

I felt my upper lip snarl in fury…or an attempt to keep me from crying from the betrayal. The tears I had shed over the man sitting across from me would fill this room. The heartbreak. The betrayal. The fear. I’d almost gone to jail because of him, and yet, I still fought back tears when my head conjured up visions of those nights from so long ago. How messed up was that? How weak was I?

No, the question was how strong was he? How much power did he have over me…then and now?

Too damned much.

He had to be the most beguiling man walking the face of this earth. God created the most deceitful man alive and then gave him the eyes and mouth of an angel to help further entrap the innocent victims lured into his web. His angelic look of innocence wasn’t the only weapon God placed in his arsenal, but it was damned well the one that led to my demise.

“Gabriel? Please don’t do this.”

His soft words interrupted my thoughts, reminding me of why I was there. I’d meant to crush him and I would. How many others would have to suffer for me to have my revenge? I guess that would be up to him.

“I think we’re finished here,” Ethan said. “You should go ahead and clean out your office and leave the building, son. I’m sorry, but whatever action Gabriel decides to take, it won’t involve you or your family.”

My eyes cut around to look at my best friend. His words were harsh, meant to send Kelsey scurrying off like a wounded pet, just so he could rip me a new one over what I was doing. Kelsey would never know it, because he didn’t know Ethan, and he couldn’t see the disappointment and anger simmering in his blue eyes. My first love would hear only that he was being dismissed and the argument was over, but I had heard and seen so much more. If the look in Ethan’s eyes hadn’t been enough to tell me he thought I was lower than dog shit, the fact that he had called Kelsey “son” cemented how he felt about the situation. Yeah, my good friend had already fallen for Kelsey’s angel face and sweet voice. Hell, I couldn’t blame him. Even knowing what I knew, every instinct inside me was screaming for me to take him in my arms and protect him from all the evils of the world.

Ethan’s eyes searched mine. He was silently begging me to step back—to take some time to consider my actions. There was a pleading for me to think about what my need for revenge was going to cost—all the innocent people who would suffer just so I could make Kelsey pay for how he’d betrayed me. Ethan, with one troubled look, longed for me to do therightthing. I hated that he was going to see me like this. See me for what I really was. Ethan had been the first to accept me into the group of friends I called family. After today, he would probably be the first to demand I disappear from that same tight group. I couldn’t do the right thing. I was so far past doing the right thing that I wasn’t sure I could even remember what it was. I was absolutely consumed with my need for revenge.

Ignoring Ethan’s dismissal, Kelsey appealed to me again, “Please don’t, Gabriel. If you want to hate somebody, hate me. If you want to hurt somebody, hurt me. Not them.”

“Leave us alone,” Ethan barked at Kelsey.

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