Page 59 of The Russian Retribution

I try.

God, do I try.

But I can’t get my lungs to obey my thoughts, and my heart beats so widely that it feels like it’s dislodged from my ribcage and rattling around inside my torso.

Then Erik says something that shocks me so completely that it’s like hitting the reset button.

“Fuck,” he gasps. “Anastasia, I’m working for Viktor. And I have been ever since he appointed me as your security adviser.”

My body freezes and my panicked thoughts screech to a halt like a record scratch. “Wh–What?”

“Viktor. He was the one who got me this job because he raised me, sort of. He…” Erik sighs tightly. “He was the one who wasthere for me when my parents died and my sister was taken. She was just a kid, but… It doesn’t matter. He gave me this job because he needed someone to get close to you, to find out what really happened to your father because he’s convinced that you killed him.”

I take a breath.

And then another.

Erik’s words are like blades against my skin, cutting in deep to the love I hold for him in my heart as my entire world crumbles around my ears. “But,” I say hoarsely, “I chose you to be my bodyguard.”

“You did.” He nods. “Before that, I was working on getting close to you. That’s why Viktor said we had a shared vendetta.”

I slowly pull myself to my feet with Erik’s help, and as soon as I’m standing, I draw away from him.

“Did it work?” he asks softly. “I thought… I thought my confession would shock you enough that you could breathe properly again.”

It worked. I can breathe.

As my heart breaks and an icy sensation spreads down my limbs, I can breathe. “You…” I say weakly. “All this time?”

“Wait.” He holds up his hands. “Wait. Okay, I know it sounds bad and I did that intentionally because I wanted to shock you, but you have to believe me when I say he and I do not share the same thoughts, okay? He’s… he’s blinded by grief and anger and he blames you purely because you were there that night. And at first, I was just doing what he wanted because he’s like a father to me and he’s in pain. But then I got to know you and I sawthat his blame was misplaced. So I’ve been trying to find the real killer while keeping you safe and trying to show Viktor that he’s focusing on the wrong person.”

The wrong person.

“This whole time,” I say tightly, struggling to find the words through the pain shattering in my chest. “This whole time, you weren’t here for me. You were here for him? What, were you investigating me? Spying on me? Reporting back to him?”

“I…” His mouth hangs open for a moment, then he shakes his head. “In the beginning. Yeah. But then I got to know you.”

“Like that makes it all okay!” I yell, and a sob catches in my throat. I press a hand to my trembling lips, then down to my chest where my heart races fiercely. “I–I trusted you.”

“You still can!” Erik steps forward earnestly. “Like I said, when I got to know you, I saw that he was so wrong about you.”

“All this time,” I whisper.

Every kiss sours in my memory. Every touch turns to ash. Every look and romantic thought becomes a point of humiliation, and my cheeks burn as tears fall. Then the pain in my abdomen rears up and I laugh coldly, humorlessly. “I’m bleeding because I think I’m losing your baby.”

“What?” Erik’s eyes widen like saucers and he looks down at my belly, then he surges forward. “You’re pregnant? You—how long? What do you mean? Shit. We have to get you to the hospital?—”

“Don’t touch me!” I jerk away from him, stumbling back against the wall. “Don’t you dare. You… You don’t get to be concerned about me. Not now. Not when all this time, you’ve been spyingon me! Getting close to me because of Viktor. Playing with me and my heart because why, because Viktor doesn’t trust me?”

Erik looks visibly torn between his secret and mine. His hands curl uselessly, and his lips part repeatedly, but he doesn’t come any closer. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?” I snap, tears rolling down my cheeks. “Because it fucking feels that way!”

“In the beginning, that was my job. Get close to you to find out the truth. But I was only following our laws. Viktor made good points about why he suspected you, but I quickly learned that it was all because he was grieving. He’s misguided, and I’ve been doing everything I can to show him that he’s wrong. That it wasn’t you and you’re just a victim.”

“How long?” I bite out. “How long? Was it after I fucked you? Or the second time? How long before you saw me as a real fucking person and not just a target of Viktor’s, huh?”

“Anastasia, it wasn’t like that.”

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