Page 105 of Keeping the Score

And I think.

Thoughts keep cycling through my head and I’m not getting any clarity on how I should be handling this. I need to talk to my best friend.

Elodie comes over since I’m looking after Tilly tonight, arriving with a bottle of wine and a large pizza.

“Amazing,” I say gratefully, taking the pizza box from her.

“Where’s Tilly?”

“She’s asleep right now.” I check the time. “I’ll wake her up in about half an hour.”

“How’s the sleep, wake, food schedule going?”

I laugh. “Eat, wake, sleep cycle.”

“Whatever.” She grins, following me to my kitchen. She pulls two wine glasses out of the cupboard, familiar with where they are, while I grab plates for our pizza.

“It’s going really well, actually. She’s less fussy because she doesn’t sleep too long or stay awake too long and she’s sleeping better at night, which is fantastic.”

“I never thought I’d see you like this.” She pours the wine.

“Me either.” I make a face.

We take our pizza and wine into the living room to eat. After a couple of bites, I say, “I have some… news.”

“What is it?”

I take a breath. “Tilly’s mom is back.”

Elodie’s eyes widen and she lowers her pizza back to the plate. “What? Holy mother of cake.”

“I know.” I close my eyes briefly.

“What happened? Did you see her? Did Ford?”

“No. She wants to meet, but he’s away until Sunday.” I swallow thickly. “We don’t know what she’s going to say.”

Elodie gets the dilemma quickly. “Oh, man. I’m sorry.”

I give a quick nod. I relate Ford’s message, which basically said nothing, and all my spiraling thoughts and emotions since then.

“I don’t know if he’ll want a relationship with me now that Willa is back and he won’t likely have Tilly, at least full-time.”

She eyes me. “You said you could do this.”

“I thought I could.” I scrunch up my face. “But I want more.”

“Are you in love with him?”

I hesitate, then drop my head forward. “Yes.”

“Oh, Andi.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand.

“I should have known better. My judgment about men is flawed. Professional athletes are only concerned with themselves—with their careers and getting ahead.”

“Like Trevor.”

“Oh! I almost forgot! I ran into him today.”

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