Page 108 of Keeping the Score

He has no idea what’s going on.

As we get off the bus at the hotel, some of the guys are making a plan to go out. We don’t fly home until morning. “Coming, Archie?” Crusher calls to me.

Fuck it. I need a drink. Or ten. So I tag along with them to Atlas, an EMD club on George Street.

It’s Saturday night and the place is jumping. Pumping music, light shows, a full-wall video screen, packed with people. We get shown to a private booth in the back where it’s quieter. We order drinks and take in the high-tech ambience.

I sit back in my chair and down my drink, then order another. I’m well into the second before Crusher says to me, “You’re quiet.”

“Yeah.” I shrug.

“You sulking?”

I scowl at him. “Sulking? Fuck off. I don’t sulk.”

“What’s wrong, then?”

After a beat, I say, “I’m the only one who doesn’t have a goal song.”

Every player on the team picks a goal song that’s played in our home arena when they score.

The others stare back at me, then start laughing.

“I want a goal song,” I add, sounding like a cranky kid being told he can’t have candy before dinner.

“You’re a goalie,” Benny says.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

He narrows his eyes at me.

“Start scoring goals and we’ll get you your own goal song,” Smitty jokes.

I’ve never scored a goal. But it happens. I’d like to score a goal. Goalie goals are cool. “If I ever get to play again, I’ll try that.”

“Youaresulking.” Crusher shakes his head.

I give him a black look.

“Bruh,” Dilly says. “Get it all the way together.”

“It’s not like you to be so emo over a loss.” Benny watches me.

“It’s not just the loss. I fucked up. And I didn’t play, two games in a row.”

“That’s happened before,” Benny points out.

“Yeah, well…” I don’t know where I’m going with this. I flag our server and order another drink.

“It’s also not like you to drink this much.” Smitty’s eyebrows shoot up.

He’s right. I shrug, lifting my empty glass. “Let’s get fucked up.”

They all exchange glances.

“What is going on with you?” Smitty asks. “For real.”

I rub my forehead. “I heard from Willa.”

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