Page 123 of Keeping the Score

Our eyes meet. One corner of my mouth kicks up. “And you still love me.”

“I do. I love you for all of that. And for the great father you are.”

I close my eyes on another rush of emotion. “I never thought I would meet someone who would love me like that. I was afraid to tell you I was falling in love with you.”

“You took me on that date. That amazing date. Everything you did made me think you loved me. But you never said it, and I was so confused.”

“I guess I hoped you’d get it without me having to say it.”

She huffs out a laugh. “Chicken.”

“Oh, hell, yeah. And then on our way home after we picked up Tilly, you got all quiet. And I figured the date didn’t mean anything to you.”

“I’m sorry. It meant a lot to me. I was so hopeful that it meant as much to you, and then you made that comment about how I could have a nap—remember? And it felt like a smack. Because I was thinking of myself as Tilly’s parent and you were still thinking of me as your neighbor who was helping with her.”

“No.” My eyebrows pull down. “No. Christ, I’m sorry. That’s not how I thought of you at all. When I said that, I just meant… there are two of us. You could have a nap if you wanted, and I would look after Tilly.”

“Oh.”

“And then I stuck my skate in my mouth with that comment that you work a lot.” I shake my head. “I respect you for how hard you work. I love that about you.”

Her expression goes soft. “Thank you.”

“That night after we decorated the tree… you went back to your place. I figured you wanted some space. So you could get back to your normal life.”

“Oh. No.” She pauses, searching for words. “I was scared. That was such a couple thing to do. A family thing. And I had to remind myself that we weren’t a family and Tilly would be leaving soon and I wanted space, but it was because I was trying to protect myself. I was so scared of everything I was going to lose.”

“Fuck.”

“We have to talk about these things,” she says quietly. “When they happen.”

“They won’t happen.”

“Yes, they will. Communication is hard. It’s hard to admit we’re hurt. We’re going to screw up. But we have to always try.”

“You’re right. The guys smacked some sense into me the other night in Charlotte. They made me see that I had to tell you how I felt. That’s why I came straight home.”

“They smacked some sense into you?” Her lips curve sweetly.

“Yeah.” I rub my face. “I may have been a little hungover on top of depressed.”

“Oh dear.”

“I was trying to drown my fears in bourbon.” I grimace. “They gave me hope that maybe you’d be willing to stick around with a jerk like me. And actually… they made me think maybe I’m not a total jerk.”

She strokes her fingers down the side of my neck. “You are not a jerk. You’ve given up so much for Tilly. Willingly. Because you love her.”

“Yeah.” I swallow thickly. “They also made me realize I’m not alone. Even when I’m in net. We’re a team. Iknewthat.” I grunt at my own stupidity. “My stupid insecurities were fucking with me. And same thing with you. I was afraid you’d walk away when Tilly was gone.” I pause. “I wasterrifiedof that.”

“Even though that’s what we agreed on. That we’d walk away when it was over.”

“Yeah.”

“I was terrified, too. That you wouldn’t want me anymore. That when Tilly was gone, we’d be done.”

“No. I didn’t want to lose you. We’re a team, too.” I slide my nose alongside hers and breathe in her sweet scent. “Right?”

“Right,” she whispers. “Yes. Absolutely.”

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