Page 27 of Keeping the Score

“I’m sorry. I know you like to stick to your routine.”

“Yeah.” It makes me twitchy to have everything in disarray. My chest feels vaguely tight and my stomach is percolating.

Matilda finishes the bottle. I set it on the coffee table. “Willa said I have to burp the baby after she eats.” She showed me acouple of different ways, so I lift Matilda to my shoulder and pat her back. “Come on, little girl, give me a big belch.”

Andi chokes on a laugh.

I’m rewarded with a good burp.

“What do you do with her while she’s awake?” Andi asks. “Or does she go back to sleep now?”

“Willa said she’ll be awake for maybe a couple of hours at a time.”

“Yikes.”

“I know. Be glad she’s not crying.” I look around. “We’ll do tummy time. I’m supposed to do that.”

“Tummy time?” Andi rises and follows me over to the baby equipment.

“Yeah. It strengthens her neck or something. Can you spread out that blanket?”

Andi lays out the brightly colored quilt and I crouch down to place Matilda there on her belly. She immediately fusses. Crap. “Hey, you have to stay here for a while.” I rub her back. “It’ll be fun.”

“It doesn’t look fun,” Andi says. “I think you need to move her arms up.”

I frown but carefully adjust Matilda’s little arms to support her better. She still doesn’t seem happy.

“Maybe she needs a toy?”

“Yeah. I think Willa said something about that.” I dig around and find a thing that folds into a triangle. One side is a mirror. I prop it in front of Matilda.

Immediately, she’s intrigued, lifting her head and pushing higher onto her forearms to peer at her own reflection. I look at Andi and we both grin.

“Who’s that pretty baby?” I ask Matilda.

Matilda makes a noise.

“That’s right! It’s you.”

When she tires of that, I find a red ball with holes in it and roll it in front of her. She watches it, then reaches for it, but it’s too far for her. So I move it closer and she curls her little fingers into it.

“Attagirl.”

“I can tell she’s so smart,” Andi says.

I grin again. “Yeah? With all your baby experience?”

She laughs. “You just know these things.”

“Well, I agree. Obviously she’s smart.”

Between the two of us, we keep Matilda happy on her tummy for about half an hour. That’s a half hour of blessed no crying. Matilda does make noise, though, with lots of screeches and high-pitched squeals. “Aaaye ah!” she says. “Aaaaaaah!”

“Listen to that,” I say to Andi. “She’s trying to talk already.”

“It sounds like it!”

After a while, I pick her up and walk her around the condo, showing her everything and explaining things. “That’s the award I got in college.” I point to the trophy on a shelf. “And that picture is the American Olympic hockey team celebrating in Lake Placid when they beat the Soviet Union.”

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