Page 70 of Keeping the Score

“Oh.” Her eyebrows pull down with sympathy. “Was it that bad?”

“Oh, God. No. It was… amazing.” I blow out a breath and resist the urge to fan myself. Just thinking about sex with Ford makes my girl parts flutter and heat up.

She brightens. “Ooooh, that’s good!”

“Yes, but… sex always changes things. Even though we agreed it wouldn’t be anything more than that.”

“Hmmm. That is true.”

“It wasn’t a good idea. We’re friends. We’re both looking after Tilly. What if we mess this up?”

“You’re both adults. You know the risks. If you want to keep your friendship, you have tonotmess things up.”

“Huh?”

“I mean… if you know the risks, you’ll try harder to make things work with you two.”

“No.” I shake my head. “That is not the idea. We agreed this is just sex. We both needed it.”

She studies me. “It’s not just sex.”

I roll my eyes. “Don’t do that. Don’t romanticize this. There is not going to be a happy ending.”

“Uh huh.” She gives me a sly look. “I bet therewasa happy ending.”

“Okay, yes, multiple, but that’s not what I meant.”

“I know. Why can’t there be a happy ending?”

“He’s focused on his career. Tilly showing up has set him back, but he’s determined. And that doesn’t leave room for any kind of romantic relationship. He’s been very honest about that. And I made the mistake once of falling for a professional athlete whose goals took precedence over mine; I’m not doing that again.”

Her expression sobers and she nods. “I get that. Trevor was a dick to you. But that doesn’t mean Ford is the same.”

“He’s exactly the same. Okay, he says he doesn’t cheat, but his whole life is hockey. Same as Trevor. I sacrificed so much for him and then he betrayed me.”

“Hmmm. Well. I stand by my earlier statement: you two know the risks, so you’ll try harder to make things work. Whatever ‘work’ means. If that means maintaining your friendship, fine.” She takes a gulp of her drink. “It doesn’t have to be a fuck up.”

“Okay.” I feel somewhat reassured. “That makes sense. I just have to be careful I don’t get unrealistic ideas. Because I don’t think I could handle falling in love and then losing it again.”

“You can handle anything.”

“That’s not encouraging.”

She sighs. “I don’t think I’m expressing myself very well here. I’m trying to support you. If you get involved with Ford and things end, you’re strong enough to handle it. You proved that last time.”

“No, it’s not you.” I shake my head. “It’s me. I’m being difficult. I’m just… trying to protect myself.”

“I get that. But if things are really good with him in bed, enjoy! Live in the moment!”

I smile. “Thatis good advice.”

“Sometimes I have words of wisdom. Not often, mind you. How’s Tilly doing?”

I update her on the schedule we’re now attempting to follow. “The problem is, every day is different for him. Some days he has a morning practice or a morning skate and a game; some days he doesn’t. And sometimes she just doesn’t cooperate. I was supposed to put her down for a nap from eleven till noon the other day and she wouldn’t go to sleep, the little devil.” I pause. “But she’s awfully cute.”

Elodie smiles.

The server arrives with our meals and sets my shrimpfra diavoloin front of me, and Elodie’s rib eye in front of her.

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