Page 86 of Keeping the Score

Oh, wait. I saw something in one of the books at the store… I’ll check into that later, at home.

There’s a toy store right around the corner, and I can’t resist going in. I want to buy everything for Tilly! I end up with a teething toy—she’ll need it soon!—the cutest little soft unicorn booties with rattles, and some soft blocks.

I pause in front of a display of books calledThe Story of You.I love that idea, but Ford can’t fill in any information from Tilly’s first four months. That makes me sad.

But I’m happy with the things I got.

Time to head home. I need to do some serious waxing to prep for my big date tonight.

25

FORD

The limo picks us up at five and delivers us to the Plaza Hotel. Andi looks around in amazement as we enter the chateau-like building. It’s decorated for Christmas and the elegant interior is even more stunning than usual.

“I came here once for afternoon tea,” she whispers as we walk through the lobby. “Years ago.”

“It’s nice.”

She slants me an amused look. “Yes. Very nice.”

We take in about a gazillion tiny white lights on trees, with oversized gifts and shiny red ball ornaments arranged around them. The glittering chandeliers above, French doors, and gleaming stone floor create a magical glow.

“It’s so beautiful.” Andi gazes raptly at a display of trees.

I’ve already checked in and left some goodies in the room, so I have the room keys. Yes, I’ve planned every detail of this date.

Why am I doing this? Andi asked the question and I got nervous.

After my little talk with Mabel at the Thanksgiving party, I was confused. Does Mabel think I’m using Andi? Because I’m not.

More importantly, doesAndithink I’m using Andi?

I need her, yes. But it’s not like that. That’s not me. Sure, I’m committed to my career. And yeah, I can be selfish or self-centered or whatever. But I’m honest about that. I don’t play games or hide ulterior motives. What you see is what you get. Like it or leave it.

I need Andi for more than looking after Tilly. Or for sex, although that is fucking hot and amazing. But I’d never use someone.

Does Andi think that?

That made me feel a little like throwing up.

Then Mabel offered to babysit so we could go out, and I realized… I’ve never taken Andi on a date. And shame intensified that nauseous feeling.

I have to rectify that. I have to show her that I value her as more than a sex partner or a babysitter for my daughter. I value her as a woman, a smart, hard-working, woman who’s patient and kind and has never let me down, not once. A friend who makes me laugh, a lover who turns me on, a woman I consider a partner in caring for Tilly. She deserves to be spoiled. Pampered. I don’t know… honored. I want to worship her like the goddess she is.

That’s why I’m doing this.

We go straight to the eighteenth floor. I carry both our bags and Andi walks into our room ahead of me.

“Whoa. This is beautiful.” She pauses. “A little old-fashioned, but still beautiful.”

“Not my style of décor,” I agree. “But this is just one night.”

“It’s very ritzy.” She walks to the window flanked with long drapes and peers out at the view of Central Park. “Amazing.” She turns to study the king-size bed with an ornate headboard and luxurious white bedding, a small sitting area with two chairs anda table, and marble and gilt furniture. “There’s even a chandelier in here.” The crystals sparkle above us.

I toss the key cards onto the dresser. “Okay, take off your clothes.”

She bursts out laughing and saunters toward me. “I expected alittlemore romance than that.”

---