Page 6 of The Savior

CHAPTER THREE

One Year Later

Two never-ending hours inched by as Liam stayed in the same spot on the Nymans’ couch and waited. It was the same position he’d manned after the funeral when the Nymans’ house had been full of mourners.

After the funeral, he’d waited for his mind to go numb. Mostly, he’d waited for an alarm clock to ring and wake him from his nightmare.

Somehow, the time had passed. Slow days and lonely nights crept by. The weeks changed to months. The seasons rolled their usual paces with falling leaves, snowstorms, then slips of green turned into spring and summer.

Fall had returned, and after more than a year, Linda planned a celebration of life where friends and family could smile instead of cry at Julia’s memory. Liam wasn’t sure what to feel, but if her parents needed him there, then that’s where he would be. They were the closest thing he had to family.

Everywhere he looked, family and friends huddled as they had after the funeral. But today, laughter and reminiscent grins mixed with hugs and favorite stories. But Liam didn’t move, just as he didn’t the year prior. Guilt pinned him down, shining a neon sign as the reason Julia had been killed to anyone who looked his way.

A gentle hand rested on his shoulder.

Pain knotted in his throat, but he cleared it. “Linda, do you need something?”

She kept her hand on his arm as he stood. Few dared to talk to him, much less touch him, and he didn’t blame them for staying away. But Linda gave a soft smile. “I’m fine.”

How could anyone in this house be fine? “Are you hungry?” he offered.

Casseroles decorated the dining room table. He wasn’t sure what to expect for a celebration of life, but it involved large pans of food to go with smiling pictures. He didn’t know when they arrived, but he hadn’t been paying much attention.

“Can I join you?” She took a seat next to where he’d been most of the afternoon then gestured toward the couch. “Sit.”

“Of course.” The cushion was still warm when he eased back down. His new suit dug into the folds at his elbows and arms, and the waist bunched at his back. He hadn’t thought to buy a new suit after the shooting, and he had to go shopping that morning. Off-the-rack suits could never accommodate the bulk of his muscles. Either his thighs threatened to rip the inseam, or the waist was too large. His resentment for the day grew every time he repositioned uncomfortably.

“You holding up all right?” he asked.

“I was about to ask you the same thing.” She glanced about the room. “You haven’t spent much time talking with others.”

“I’m having a hard time celebrating.”

“No one’s celebrating her death,” Linda said as though he were one of her kindergarten students. “We’re rejoicing and remembering everything we loved about her.”

Liam grumbled. A year ago, he spent most days trying to forget so that the pain would stop. Weeks passed, and his grief evolved. He wanted to cling to every memory. But as the seasons changed, he didn’t know what the hole in his chest meant. Sadness? Solitude? No matter what feelings were there, he would always feel the guilt.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen,” Linda said.

He nodded.

“Have you ever heard of Swedish death cleaning?”

His eyebrows arched. “Uh, no.”

“It’s a gift parents give their children and loved ones.”

“When they die?”

Slowly, she nodded. “At a certain age, you clean. You rid yourself of what you do not need, and when it comes time for your death, you’ve helped to prepare your family.”

“I wasn’t prepared. That’s for damn sure.” He drew a deep breath. “I’m not sure what I am, to be honest.”

“I wasn’t either.” She paused, and he could only offer a sympathetic nod. Linda continued, “But I’m grateful for every moment I had. I know you are too.”

Guilt seared his throat. For a year, he hadn’t been able to find the words to ask for her forgiveness, and now, she was trying to comforthim. He didn’t need comfort—he needed… He didn’t know. “Don’t worry about me,” he finally managed. “I celebrate her in my own way.”

They sat quietly, and he noticed the celebration had thinned. Frank and Chelsea cleaned discarded plates and cups from a nearby hutch.

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