Page 124 of Only for Love

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

Grayson

Today is the day, and I haven’t been able to sit still as I pace from the living room to the kitchen. Hell, not only is today the day, but the hour is upon us. It’s time to try to explain to Cally what’s happening and where the future goes. I get it. She’s two—albeit a very mature two-year-old, in my opinion, but two nonetheless. I have no idea if she’ll understand anything I tell her. If she does, maybe she’ll like it and maybe she won’t.

The sound of a squirming kid plays from the monitor. “She’s up.”

Emma’s smile lights my world. “Yup. I’ll go get her.”

I nod and take a sip of my Mountain Dew then cap it, deciding that I don’t need any more caffeine. I’m wired enough. I’m seriously going to jump out of my skin. I bounce on my toes then pace the kitchen.

“Hey, Snugglebug.” The lights on the baby monitor jump as Emma pulls Cally from her toddler bed. “Up, up, up, and at ’em.”

“Wuv you, Mama.” The sweet, soft sound of her sleep-soaked voice makes me give a stupid grin. I know I have this goofy look on my face right now, but I’m just… pumped. This is really happening, and even though Cally won’treallyget it, I will. Thanks to these girls, I have another day that I’ll never forget. It’s enough to erase the bad ones that have clouded my mind for years.

Emma rounds the corner into the kitchen with a sleepy-eyed Cally held to her chest. Her blond hair is mussed with bed head, and her just-waking green eyes are identical to mine.

“Do you want some crackers, baby?” Emma asks.

She nods but not before Cally smiles and waves hi to me. There is no doubt: this kid is going to be a daddy’s girl.

“Alright.” She places Cally in a chair and fastens a buckle on her lap. “Let’s get you situated in the big-girl chair with your snack, and then we have a big-girl conversation for you.”

I drop to a chair at the table and perch on the edge. My blood thumps, and my knees bounce. Emma calmly lays out a plate of crackers and a milk box.

“So…” Emma sits on the other side of Cally. “We have something fun to tell you. It’s big-girl news.”

Cally’s megawatt smile flashes, and she excitedly nods, using some real words and some fake ones to explain how she can handle whatever we have to share. My hand crosses the table and takes Emma’s. Cally’s eyes briefly drop to the handhold, but her crackers are also in her line of sight, so she takes one of those.

“Snugglebug, you like Grayson?”

She nods and gnaws on her cracker, letting crumbs fall. “Uh-huh.”

“I do too.” Emma squeezes my hand. “I love him.”

I squeeze her hand back. “And I love your mommy,” I tell Cally. “And you, too.”

Cally smiles but keeps gnawing on her cracker. Emma flicks the crumbs off the corner of Cally’s mouth with her free hand. “He loves both of us very much, and he’s going to stay in our house.”

“Forever,” I add. I’m not sure why, but I just had to get that in there—more for my benefit than for Emma’s.

“Forever,” Emma agrees, and we both watch Cally. “We’ll be a family. So, like a mommy and a daddy, and you’re our baby.”

“Likemybaby.” Cally takes another mouthful of cracker.

“Right.” Emma nods and smiles. “Just like you take care of your baby, Grayson will take care of you. Make sense?”

She nods and goes on to babble unknown words in a singsong tone. I don’t know that she understands anything we said, but God, the kid has no idea how tied in knots I’ve been, and that one simple nod has done a hell of a lot to loosen the pressure.

“BecauseI amyour daddy.”

Cally watches me, munching on her cracker but now also very inquisitive, as if her growing brain is pulling together all the pieces of this conversation. “Okay.”

Her silliness has stilled, and I can feel this conversation inside my chest, so deep it’s killing me. Talking about telling Cally was one thing. Hearing it out loud—fuck me—that’s some kind of miracle that terrifies me. I clear my throat. “Are you okay with that, Cally Bear?”

She toys with her cracker, and it dawns on me that these are just words. She must know a ton of dads, but having her own wasn’t a part of her world until now. The complexity of this moment is probably well behindmyyears.

“Daddy,” she says, her little mind assigning that to me.

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