Page 41 of Only for Love

“Word travels fast. I’m really sorry, Gray. Just—” She rolls her lips together. The bubbly, near-manic girl I know is speechless. Don’t blame her though. “I thought you were dead. Everyone did. The reports that filtered back were wrong. No one knew anything.”

I should’ve been. Better men than me died. Guys with wives, with children. I take a deep, painful breath, needing a subject change. “I’m back in Georgia?”

She shakes her head. “No. Walter Reed.”

“Maryland?”

She nods. “Yeah, sweetie.”

Not far from Virginia—not far from Summerland County. Not that Emma’s there anymore. She had college and… life. “Why’d you come up?”

“When I heard you survived, I figured no one would come check on you.”

That’s what happens when you walk away from everyone. My head’s spinning. I want her to leave so I can be alone in my misery. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Someone has to check on you. Besides, I needed a change of scenery. You know how I am.”

For as much I want one girl, she wants any guy, so long as he has a tag around his neck and loves just her. Our backgrounds have eerily similar histories, and while I’ve run from Emma, Mazie’s run to any soldier with half an interest, always getting hurt. She’s a tag chaser at heart. Really, she’s not one hundred percent right in the head, and that’s why she’s my crazy Mazie.

The guys would get a kick out of her being up here.

The guys…are all dead.

Flashes and explosions rock in my head. I smell fear, taste death. It’s revolting. Their screams. The blood. As though I’m living a nightmare, it hits hard and fast. Bile rushes up my throat. My stomach churns; I can’t breathe. “I’m gonna be sick.”

“Oh! Eek. Um.” She grabs a trash can and shoves it under my face just in time.

Shit. God. My wound kills.

I try to block out the sounds from the room around me. My memory explodes with pain. Mazie’s talking fast, and rough hands switch the trash can for a bag. My pain radiates as I heave. My gut roils. Everything sucks in a way I can’t handle.

Finally, it subsides, whatever it was. My heart beat slows. Cold sweats stop rushing over my body. I take a breath as my stomach calms, and I drop back. I won’t open my eyes, won’t talk to anyone. The nurse and a doctor are talking. I hear their murmurs, their questions as they mumble words liketrigger, stress,andattack. I don’t care. All I want is Emma. I need her, and I fight for her memory. A story. A smile. Anything. But it’s all blank.

“This will help you,” the nurse says by my IV.

A slight hit of warmth bleeds into me through the drip in my arm. My muscles relax, but not my mind.

Until… finally, it’s quiet around me. Sleep pulls me toward its dark, heavy hold. Struggling, I open my eyes to see Mazie sit in a chair near me.

“I’m…” I work my numb jaw, running my tongue over my teeth. My body has odd sensations, all pin prickles and fuzzy feels. “Tired.”

“Should be. They gave you a knock-out shot.” Her eyes are red, her cheeks tear-stained. “I’m sorry.” She tucks her knees up and wraps her arms around them. “I shouldn’t have been so… cavalier. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned the guys. Or stupid gossip.”

I shake my head, dizzy with exhaustion but not in nearly as much pain. Crazy Mazie is more messed up than me. “It’s just a thing.”

“Panic attack or something.”

“Maybe.” My fists feel heavy. So does my soul. I rub my knuckles into my eyes. My skin feels fuzzy and funny. I want to say something, figure out how to make the hurt lessen. “I was the last guy. No one else made it home.”

“I know,” she whispers.

“I can’t see Emma’s face anymore. You know, that’s always been my fix. It’s not working.” I drop my hands and tears burn. “It’s been too long.”

When I focus on Mazie, she’s watching me and hugs her legs tighter to her chest. “Maybe it’s time you fix it?”

My tongue is thick, dry. I chew on my bottom lip, but it’s numb like the rest of me. Everything except my mind. “Maybe.”

But first, I have to fix me. Not just my side but what’s in my head. Then I can find Emma and fix… everything.

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