Page 45 of Only for Love

Anger pounds in my head. I’ve had a life to live, complete with major what-the-fuck-should-I-do-now moments. Soul searching and delayed regret has never been on the agenda. Only two mouths to feed and responsibilities. “Take your regret and—”

“You never deserved me leaving. I never wanted to go. It’s—you deserve an apology.”

“Yeah, I do.” My lungs want to explode, and I swear to Jesus, the room starts to spin. This is what I’ve waited to hear for so long.

“I’m sorry, Ems. Leaving you killed me. Ruined me. I’m fucked for having done it, and I’m asking for your forgiveness.”

Dropping my head back, I stare at the ceiling and take inventory of my feelings after his big confession. Nothing’s changed. They’re just words. What did I think would happen?

Am I any happier? No.

Angrier? Nope.

Euphoric? In love? Relieved? No, no, and no one more damn time.

Well, that isn’t true. I’ll always love him. But still, we aren’t the same high school kids. What a realization. I’m different now. I bite my lip, thankful I don’t have the monumental task of trying to explain to Cally that she actually had a dad but he died. “I have to get back to work.”

He clears his throat. “Work?”

I nod as if he can see me. “My boss is gonna have a fit if I don’t get back.”

What more am I supposed to say?All’s forgiven?My inner subconscious is a demented, two-faced traitor.I love you. Leave me alone.

“Then I’ll call you later.”

“What? Why?” He doesn’t get to show up when he feels like it. “I wanted to hear that from you for forever. And now I have.” I choke. “I thought you were dead!”

Silence lingers. “Shit. I shouldn’t have called like this.”

“No! Yes, you should have. But you should’ve done it years ago. You should have done it when I was heartbroken and alone. When I gave you everything and you walked away.Everything. Do you get that!”

“Ems—”

“No! Not with the Ems.”

“Sweet Jesus, fuck me. You have no idea. I just needed to hear your voice again.”

“God, you’re a selfish prick. You can’t be serious. I needed your voiceyearsago.” Holy crap, I’m sweating I’m so angry. “Your voice. Your help. You! I needed you to be here. You have no damn idea how much.”

I slam the phone down and bury my eyes into my elbow. I refuse to cry at work over the boy who left me so long ago. So I won’t. Mind over matter. But I turn my head and stare at my phone. It stares back at me, its screen showing that Grayson’s still with me. As I always thought he’d be. Dammit! I’m so messed up in the head. I pick it up. “Gray?”

Why couldn’t I have said his full name? Hearing Grayson’s harsh breath only serves to torture me. The sound is too long, too longing. Too perfect and everything that I remember.

“Ems.”

I don’t fight my nickname. Not this time. My eyelids sink shut, and I feel his voice as though I could feel his arms around me. But then my heart freezes. What does he know? What does he want? My maternal instinct flares. “I have to—”

“Emma.” Sarah raps on the office door.

I squeak, turning my head her way. “Hey.”

She raises her eyebrows. “You’re needed in the copy room. Get a move on. Let’s go, go. G. O.”

“On the phone.” I gesture toward it.

She shakes her head, smiling. “That better be the president asking you to broker peace in the Middle East. Anything short of that, and you’re going to hear it from me.”

What is that about?

---