Page 52 of Only for Love

It’s ringing!

My stomach’s in my throat. I’m blushing, I know that, and I’m trying not to grin like a crazy woman. What the fuckballs am I doing? This is so bad. Bad. BAD in a major way. But I can’t hang up.

“Hello?” His voice is gruff with sleep.

Hell. It’s Friday. He went out and had a couple too. Maybe he passed out. Maybe I shouldn’t have called him. He saidhe’dcall, but he didn’t. Sothatis something. This is a mistake.

Holy shit, I’m losing my mind. “Hey, Grayson.”

Silence. Oh. Awkward. I didn’t sign up for this. What am I doing?

“Hey.”

I hear rustling noises. Grayson’s in bed? What if he’s not alone? What if he is? Do I want to know this much about him this very second? God. My mind is spiraling.

“Hey. Buzzed you earlier, went straight to voicemail.” He clears his throat. It’s sleep-soaked and rough. “What are you up to?”

“I’ve been drinking.” Because that honest revelation is what’s needed. Ugh.Head. Slamming. Against. Wall.I groan. “I mean. It was a happy hour. For me. I guess—”

“Happy early birthday.”

God… Just, God. I curl into myself and hide under the covers, letting the deep rumble of his voice echo in my head. “Thanks.”

“So… what are you doing for the real deal?”

Nothing I’ll tell him about. Cherry’s helping Cally decorate cookies and “make” me dinner on Sunday. “Small family thing.”

“Your family, everyone’s good?”

I close my eyes. It’s like we’re just catching up, not like our conversation earlier at work. I always thought he’d check in after we found out he went to basic training. Maybe he’d check in with Ryan. I thought he’d talk toanybody. But Grayson fell off the planet.

Yet somehow the memories of middle-of-the-night chats stir me. “What did you mean earlier, you’re not the guy I knew?”

“I can’t explain it. Dead man walking.”

My sweet golden boy? Sure, he had his dark moments, his hidden pieces. “What does that mean, Gray? Why?”

“I’ve changed. Army changed me. War changed me. Walking away from you… ruined me.”

My stomach swan dives. “Grayson… you can’t say things like that.”

“Shit, don’t see why not.” He groans. “You woke me up, thinking about you in my dream. Or nightmare. Not sure which anymore.”

“You really can’t say that!”

He laughs quietly. “Baby, I’ve come to learn it’s best to say whatever comes to mind.”

“I’m not sure that’s true.” I stare at the ceiling, wondering what would fall from my lips if I said whatever came to mind.I still love you. I miss you. I have someone I’d like you to meet…

“It is.” He breathes into my ear. “I’ve learned the hard way. Lay it on the line, make up for lost time. Fix mistakes.”

“Shut up,” I whisper, pleading as my heart pounds.

“I was a kid. We were kids, and I was in deep. With you, Ems. And shit was going down at home. I got in my head, ended up enlisted.”

“People don’t end up enlisted.”

“I did.”

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