Page 40 of Afraid to Hope

He noticed and smiled, holding out his hand, which she took without thinking. “Sweetheart, I feel like a fuckin’ yo-yo around you. You push me away. You get upset. But then you allow me close, let me touch you, hold you, comfort you. Kiss you.” His words hung in the air, pregnant with meaning. “It’s like you’re playing with me, but then I really don’t think that’s your intention. My gut tells me intimacy scares you. You fear losing control when in actuality you control what happens between us. I’m paying attention, but this is a dance with some intricate steps.” He pulled her to his chest, and when she offered no resistance, he slipped his arms around her and bent his head, resting his forehead on hers before moving slightly so that his lips were close to her ear. His warm, moist breath raised goose bumps over her skin. He murmured, “I watch you react to me. God knows, I react to you. What is it, Nat? Who hurt you? I can help you work through it.”

He nibbled on her ear. She still didn’t resist but softened and let out a tiny breath.

“Feel it. Face it. Don’t allow it to have power over you.”

Electricity sparked through her. God, how could she feel such desire for this man during this moment when the shame of being seen as weak coursed through her at the same time? She broke the embrace. “Is that what you do?”

Pain shadowed Bane’s features. His voice became gravelly. “I’ve had to. To survive. We’re inhuman, not infallible.” He inhaled long and deep. Confidence and a smile coated his words. “Babe, I’m a fuckin’ machine. I’m callous from experiencing and seeing things I wish I hadn’t. I’ve done things that I had to in the moment. I’ve had to reconcile all of it. Otherwise it would drown me.”

“You seem fine to me.”

“Oh, I’m fine all right,” he agreed, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. “My point is you don’t need to always be so tough. Lean on me. Allow me to be your partner. It’s easier to stand if you have someone to share and unite with. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to get to know you, discover what makes the intelligent and formidable Dr. Natasha Jordaan tick. You fascinate me. From the very first moment you walked into Emmet’s office, I was blown away. I felt something. I know you felt it too,” he said earnestly. “We have an opportunity during this assignment, especially given our cover.”

Natasha said nothing, but her eyes never left his. Although Bane teased her incessantly and annoyed the hell out of her at times, she felt protected by this mountain of a man. She felt safe. Her hunger for him was undeniable, so why was she denying it? Natasha understood that his bawdy banter was part of his personality and, despite his sexual overtures, she was in control. Most importantly, he wanted her to have the control. Bane had impressed the hell out of her while he worked on Rafiq. And now he had given her the framework of something more than working together. Was it possible? Could she trust it? Could she trust him?

He gently tucked a curl behind her ear. The movement was tender. “You’re weighing your decision, aren’t you?”

She gazed at him with wide eyes.

Bane watched her with amusement and heat. “You were thorough showing me around theriad.I remember the rooftop terrace. You said you needed space. Why don’t we go up there? Is outside enough space?”

She nodded.

“You lead this dance.” His gaze held hers for a few heartbeats. “I need to hear you.”

“Yes.”

Bane flashed her a sexy smile and grabbed a few throws from the couch, then followed her up the stairs.

Casablanca slept. Polar-white stars flickered above, scattered like glittering dust in the blue-black sky. Bane moved under the pergola with Natasha and dropped the throws on the divan, facing her. Tendrils of moonlight filtered through the intricately carved lattice, spilling over them, creating a texture of illumination and shadow.

His voice turned husky, deeper and richer as he gently took Natasha’s chin and tilted her head up, searching her eyes, now molten with desire, pleading for him to take control. He slid his hand under her hair, and his fingers trailed over her neck, leaving a trail of fire.

She shivered beneath the oversized sweatshirt covering her slim frame, surrounded by the intoxicating smell of him.

“You’re trembling. Are you okay with this?”

She glanced up at him, biting her bottom lip.

“I need to hear you say it.”

“Yes,” she whispered thickly, placing her hand on his chest. His heart galloped under it, just like hers was doing.

Bane peeled her hand away and kissed her palm, then nipped and sucked the sensitive flesh between her thumb and forefinger. Her breath caught. It was just like her dream. Her nipples were so hard they hurt, and her thighs were damp.

“Damn, you’re so fucking beautiful.” Bane’s lips hovered, ghosting over hers before capturing them. He pulled back, clearly struggling to keep himself in check.

She had wrestled with her attraction to him since they met, and she fought other demons as well, but she was ready for this.

“You lead, sweetheart,” he murmured, his thumb brushing along the arch of her jaw. “I’m all in.”

She rolled her lip between her teeth, then released it. He lowered his head again and sucked on its fullness. His groan drove her wild, and he languidly traced her mouth with his tongue, then kissed her slowly.

Natasha returned his kiss and opened her mouth wider, inviting his tongue, cautiously asking for more. The roughness of Bane’s whiskers and gentleness of his lips made her blood race. She pulled back, stunned, panting.

“Okay?” His expression was full of concern.

“Yes. Just needed to catch my breath.”

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