Page 15 of Shake the Habit

I was rubbing my thighs where his giant paws had compressed them and taking big breaths into my lungs since they were no longer constricted. “It’s fine,” I announced.

“Really?” Caleb asked. “I thought he’d killed you.”

“No, I feel ok. Well, I feel like an idiot for telling you even more of my personal business while wearing cocktail attire, but beyond that…” I looked down at my dress, which was now in even worse shape than it had been after the soaking it had received at the farm. My clothes had dried, but my sense of humiliation had only grown as the hours had passed.

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about what you said,” he agreed.

“That makes one of us.” I shut the door to pull my car into my driveway, and then I peeled myself out of the seat where it felt like Sir had done his best to permanently entomb me. He was still sitting placidly, as just as Caleb had commanded him, and I frowned. It had been a real peach of a day and he had been part of that for sure. “You don’t listen well,” I told him, and he wagged his tail like I’d given him a compliment.

“You may have to be a little more stern with him.”

“I’ve tried that. Watch,” I said, and then looked at the dog. “Come!” I stated firmly.

Sir did get up, but he walked over to sniff the truck before he looked back over his shoulder at me. “What, you mean right now?” he seemed to ask. “I’ll get around to it, sometime.”

“That was you being firm?” Caleb shook his head. “It sounds so nice, like you’re issuing an invitation. Sir, come,” he said, and I fumed as the dog ran right over. “Somebody taught him commands. He just doesn’t want to when you’re the one trying to make him.”

“We have a different kind of relationship,” I said frostily. “I don’t have to make him obey, because we’re friends.” I started to trudge toward my house in the shoes that had dried a little funny after their drenching and mud bath today. They were now squeaking in an unfortunate way. Both of them followed right behind me, so where was the problem? It seemed like I had pretty good control, except over my own mouth.

“I need to get out of this dress,” I announced, and Caleb took Sir out into the back yard. I watched him toss one of the toys I’d purchased, but then he had to walk over and get it himself to demonstrate for the dog how things were done. Retrieving didn’t seem to be one of Sir’s natural instincts. By the time I came out of the bedroom, now in sweatpants and thick socks for my freezing feet, Sir was happily fetching the bouncy thing because he was smart and learned quickly. It had taken him less than a minute to figure out that the cheese was kept in the refrigerator, and he’d also determined that if he sat and cried in front of that appliance, I turned into a real sucker.

“I usually walk him now,” I explained as I opened the patio door, and that was fine with Caleb. He even held the leash as we went and gave my hand and arm a break from the constant tugging. Warm, dry, and without being pulled along, my mood improved a lot.

“It’s kind of exciting that tomorrow will be a new year,” I mentioned as we left through the back gate and headed down my street.

“Really?Why?”

“It always felt like starting fresh to me. You know, like you could flip the page in one of your million and two books and the next chapter is blank, ready for you to fill it.”

“If I ever found a blank chapter in a book I bought, it would piss me off a lot.”

I laughed. “You know what I mean!”

“I do,” he said. “I never had that feeling, but I understand your analogy. Are you going to make any resolutions?”

“Just to keep going,” I answered. “I say that every day, though. My aunt tried to give me a lecture about self-love in the shower…not what you’re thinking, but about doing affirmations. ‘Today will be a great day! Today I’ll find happiness and love!’” I quoted Aunt Amber, using her ringing tones and Mississippi accent. “I already do them in my own way. When I wake up, I make promises to myself, like, ‘You’ll get through it, there are only fourteen hours before you can get back in bed.’ Or I’ll say, ‘You’re ok. Your hair will turn out really good.’”

“You’re setting the bar a little lower than your aunt did,” he pointed out.

“Aunt Amber sets every bar out of reach. When we were kids, she made us all compete in pageants and we were supposed to win the big trophies every time.”

“Did you do it?”

“I won some of the talent portions,” I said. “And I won a few sashes for my smile or my personality. None of us ever took home the big ones, though, and we never won a bunch of money, either. I got some, but not a lot, and I probably didn’t come close to covering the cost of my wardrobe.” It had all been a stretch for my parents, but they knew that I liked to perform and they’d wanted me to be happy. I owed them.

“I had no idea that I was out with a beauty queen,” Caleb mentioned.

“I was Junior Miss Big Charisma in Mt. Juliet,” I acknowledged. “While you were reading and doing chores, I was busy, too. I was buckled into a minivan and off to the next pageant so I could sing.” I thought back. “I’m pretty sure that I came in first in the talent portion in Huntsville that same year.”

“I was probably already in high school when you were Miss Magnetism, because we’re far apart in our ages,” Caleb said. “A decade.”

“No, only about nine years,” I corrected. It was surprising that a guy who worked in finance wouldn’t have been more precise with numbers. “But I guess you were actually in your dorm room while we were endlessly out on the road. I liked it, though. I loved to perform and also, we usually got ice cream on the way back to Tennessee.”

“So, ice cream is the way to your heart. Do you still sing?”

“Sir gets to hear it.” He looked over at me. “You hear me when I’m in the shower,” I reminded him. “Our neighbor may hear ittoo, poor guy, but he hasn’t complained. He hasn’t said anything about Sir, either.”

“Has he been barking?”

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