Page 45 of Shake the Habit

“You and I aren’t the same,” Aunt Paula said. “I think you’ll be very unhappy if you don’t have those things, and I hate to think that what happened is going to ruin it for you. Don’t let it.”

“It’s my birthday,” I repeated, but now my voice sounded reedy. “I really don’t want to discuss this.”

“I’m sorry, Kayleigh. Come here and let me hug you.” She did, and then I left. I took the long, long way home to give myself a moment.

Caleb and Sir had already arrived and were unloading the truck by the time I pulled into the driveway at the rental house. The dog ran over to greet me when I got out of the nice car. I felt that he probably hadn’t been much help with the unpacking, but I stepped in to do my part.

“Where were you?” Caleb asked as we carried his mattress up the stairs.

“Aunt Paula wanted to talk. No, you need to go on the other side of the hall,” I directed as he started toward a bedroom. “The lights aren’t good on the left.” JT and Owen were working on it, but it was a big job to fix this big place.

“The whole side of the house is out? Hell.” He leaned the mattress against the wall of one of the guest rooms. “I have two shitty houses.”

“I have not even one shitty house,” I told him, and sniffled. Apparently, the extra-long trip hadn’t been long enough for me to get a handle on my emotions. I wished, pretty hard, that I could have a drink to help to wash them away.

“Hell,” Caleb repeated as he looked at me, and Sir took up crying, too. “Is this some, uh, problem about being old?”

I wasn’t going to drink so I took a firm grip on myself, because I was making the dog so upset and Caleb so confused. “No,” I said. “I know that more than a quarter of my life is gone, wasted in a stupid way, and that I’ll never get it back or be able to repair the damage I’ve done. But at this moment, I’m not upset about that.”

“Oh.”

“And I’m not really crying about Taygen getting mad at me and accusing me of trying to ruin her relationship with Marc, even though I’ve been the one trying to salvage it for both of them.”

“She said that to you? That was a shitty thing to do.” His own emotions switched from confusion to anger. “On your birthday, when she was supposed to sing and eat cake?”

“She left before the cake,” I assured him. “I’m not even upset that the whole birthday deal was just a pity party.”

“You mean, people sitting around feeling sorry for themselves?” Caleb was back to confusion. “Is that what was happening atyour parents’ house? I didn’t pick up on it at all. But I’m very bad at this.”

“No, not that kind of pity party,” I corrected. “I mean that the guests felt pity for me, since I’m getting so old and there’s nothing else to celebrate, not a degree in school, or career advancement, or a home purchase. There’s definitely no bridal shower or christening coming up.”

“So, uh, this is actually about being old? I think I’ve lost the thread,” he admitted.

“No. No, and I’m ok,” I told him. “I’m a very lucky person. I have parents, relatives, friends, and a dog who all care about me, no matter what I’ve done in the past. Which is a topic I’m not getting into,” I said as a sidenote. “I did a bunch of affirmations just this morning and I reminded myself that I’m lucky and fortunate. It wasn’t that long ago that we fell off your porch and I was so happy!”

“Happy?” he questioned. “You got a big scrape on your arm and I had a bruise on my…back. I wasn’t happy about that at all, because I learned I have wood rot. And I’m sorry, but I still don’t understand why you were just about to cry. Was it due to one of those problems or is there something else that I should know? Did I do something?”

“No,” I told him. “You should have texted that you were going to be late so I didn’t worry that your truck had broken down on one of those lonely roads and bears had attacked you, but it’s really not about something that you did.”

“When was the last bear attack in Sequatchie County? I’m sorry that I didn’t let you know what was happening. I tried to see what was wrong with the water and then I was so pissed, I threw things in my bag and left. I’m glad that you’re not upset because of something I did, but I’m still lost.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, and tucked the sheet around his tiny mattress. “I’m really thankful for the shoes, by the way. I love them and I’ll wear them to run tomorrow before we leave for church.”

He smiled in a hesitating kind of way. “Good. You know what else would be good? I know there’s a new ten-part series on travel in South America. I’ve never been there, and I’m very interested.”

“That does sound interesting.” I blew out a breath. “I’m sorry to be such a mess.” He followed me as I went toward the stairs.

“Well, it’s your birthday. Isn’t there a song about crying if you want to?”

“Something like that,” I agreed. “I don’t really want to, though, and this was the last birthday that I’m celebrating. Today was the last party, the last cake, and the last gifts. The birthday phase of my life is now over.”

“I don’t think you’ll be able to stop them from coming but if you want to ignore them, then I’ll go along with that. Sir, there’s not enough room for the three of us.” The dog reluctantly jumped down and Caleb joined me on the couch in front of my laptop.

“Could I do this?” He put his arm around my shoulders. “Whatever was making you upset, I hope you feel better.”

I rested my head against him. “I’m glad you came up here.”

“Me too.” He pulled me a little closer, and we learned a lot about South America.

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